Heartspeak

As Scott takes in Katie's words his eyes begin to focus on some papers on his desk, his fingers absentmindedly twirling his glasses. He listened with respect, not interrupting, not trying to change or correct anything she said.

After Katie has said what she's come to say, Scott finally looks her in the eye once more. His face was drawn with tension, his eyes almost developing a bloodshot look as an obvious sign of him trying to control the emotions that threatened him.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Katie." His voice is low, almost gruff for it being Scott. "You did what you thought was right and...maybe you think it's stupid now, but you thought it best then, and all you're doing now is second guessing yourself. As for me..."

His thought trails off for a moment as he pauses, his eyes roaming his desk once more. "Anything you see beyond the surface is what you brought out."

Scott's sincerity in his words prove that what he's saying isn't just off the top of his head, but he's put a lot of thought into it, prior to today. "When you came here, I watched you. you fascinated me. Every move you made, every word you spoke. But you were out of my league. You had the attention of everyone, especially Wyatt the very day you walked through that door." He lets out a slight dry laugh. "I knew I couldn't stand up to him. After Wyatt came Jason. There was no way I could even toy with the idea of being more than friends with you anymore. Jason was the Hotshot...Jason was the man at TJY. Every woman around here considered you lucky to have snagged him. And then..."

He pauses again, his eyes finding Katie's face. "...then he left. Things got tough and I finally saw an opening. I'd been waiting in the wings for so long, I had to try. And I stole you right out from under Jason's nose. I made an enemy that day, but I considered it worth it. You lit up my world, Katie. You were my world. You were all my hopes and dreams wrapped up in a single package of the love I'd been searching for. You understood me...you saw me for who I was on the inside...and you brought out the best in me. Never in my life have I loved more deeply. Never in my life have I felt anything the same as I felt for you, Katie."

Scott holds up his hand, measuring with his first finger and thumb. "And I came this close to making you mine for ever. This close."

He lets his hand drop back onto his desk, his glistening eyes still on Katie, his voice growing quieter, more strained. "And if I thought I had the smallest, most tiny chance in the world at all to gain that back, I would drop to my knees right now and beg you to come back."

Swallowing hard, he tries to maintain his composure. "But there's a problem. Jason is still there...and he always will be. And...no matter how much I try to convince myself...no matter how hard I always tried...I wouldn't ever be able to live peacefully, knowing that you and he needed each other."

His eyes finally fall back down again, unable to continue focusing on the one he loved so deeply. "We can wish it to work all we want. But in the end...you and I both know that you feel not only an obligation to him, but a love for him. And...that wouldn't be healthy for our relationship."

Scott's fingers run along his desk, his face showing the inner turmoil that he felt. "Maybe I should be strong enough to deal with it...maybe I should have a stronger faith to know that Jason wouldn't come between you and me. But I knew the risks in the beginning and I took the chance anyway. And now...these are the consequences of that chance."

He pauses, collecting more thoughts. "Would I have given up the time I had with you, had I known this would happen? Probably not. Would I have changed anything? Probably not."

He shakes his head slowly. "I'm not angry with you, Katie. I won't lie...I'm disappointed, and I feel lost without you. I feel like a fish out of water. But you did what we both knew was right. So don't second guess yourself. Just...move on. It's what I'm trying to do."


Carson downs another shot of whiskey before slamming the glass down on the counter. Instead of pouring another one, he takes the whole bottle and staggers into the living room to plop down on the couch and take another big swig. Miserable wasn't a good enough word to describe how he felt.

His hand makes its way to his neck where he feels the chain and locket he'd held so close ever since Misty had given it to him. In an angry motion, he snaps it from his neck, takes one more look at it, then hurls it across his living room where it hits the wall and lands somewhere behind his television set.

Mumbling to himself, he drinks some more whiskey. His answering machine blinked, but he ignored it. All three messages were from Velvet. The last one told him the gang would be at the Bullseye again tonight, but it had included things that Carson just as soon no one else heard.

For now though, the call went unreturned. He didn't feel like playing cards. He didn't feel like going to the bar. He just felt...numb.