The future

"But I liked what you were."
Alice's words hit Kyle harder than he let show. They'd only been on the road a few days, but there were things he was already starting to miss. He could feel an uprising in his gut that rebelled against his own choices to turn his back on what he'd once been passionate about. But it was too late.

He starts to reply, but Alice has already let the conversation move on, and he has to be grateful for that. He lets the whole thing go too, not wanting to get in any deeper. He didn't like exchanging any form of harsh or tense words with Alice - it never felt right when he did.

"Mountain Dew is always on the agenda," he states flatly, pulling back out onto the road. "I think we're...." His phone rings, interrupting him. Fumbling with it for a moment, he finally answers it. "Yeah? Hi, Hunter." He turns to grin at Alice, still talking to Hunter. "No, we're fine. Chinese fire drill. We'll catch up in two shakes. Yeah, alright."

Shutting the phone, he rolls his eyes. "Can't get away with anything without someone checking up." Humor laces his voice though, proving he really wasn't annoyed. "We're headed for the future," he finally answers her. "Yes... that is the destination."


Receiving Katie's reply, Jason just looks into her eyes for several moments, searching deeper than the surface. He didn't normally probe, but today he did. There really was something there... but he couldn't describe it. It seemed to mirror something he himself felt, but yet it was unidentified. Unlabeled. Maybe Katie was right. Maybe it was just that things weren't as upbeat anymore... things had slowed down. Excitement didn't really exist at the moment. But was that circumstance's fault, or his own fault?

Dropping his gaze, he lets his fingers wrap around Katie's. Her words of love were reassuring. But at the same time, the fear had already been injected and it was hard to get rid of.

"I love you too," he replies quietly. He really didn't feel like there was anything to forgive. Ryder had said the whole kiss thing was his fault, not Katie's. But still...

"Guess maybe I thought..." He stops himself. He didn't want to sound bitter. He really wasn't. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even really irritated. Maybe a little, but nothing to be upset over. Yet the words slipped through.

Thought maybe there was something I did wrong to make your eyes wander to someone else.

His stare shoots back up again, realizing his emotions had betrayed him. Yet still, his eyes showed no malice. Only confusion and maybe a little disappointment. This time he doesn't try to stop the silent communication.

Is it me? Is it just circumstance? Did I do something to make you want someone else?

It was evident now... he knew about what had happened with Ryder.

His hand stands on Katie's, his eyes still looking into her own, waiting for reassurance... hoping that it existed.

Love

Alice lets out a small sigh as she listens to Kyle. Maybe she shouldnt have said anything after all. Well at least she new now what Kyle's week spot it.

"But I liked what you were."

She whispers, though she still like Kyle she felt bad and there was so much more she wanted to say but didnt. She wanted to tell Kyle that running away and trying to cover up a problem would do nothing but insted she kept her mouth shut. It would be a long hall still and the last thing she needed was Kyle being angry at her. Wouldnt she let this go? No probley not, but for now she had to like the disapointment of not saying anything.

"So where are we headed next?"

Alice takes her arm from Kyle's shoulder and moves a little back into her own seat.

"I hope its somewhere fun and exciting with lots of Moutain Dew!!!"

Alice throws Kyle a smile as they continue to drive her hair blowing slightly in the wind.

Studying Jason for a long moment Katie just sits on the edge of the desk. Feeling the tention in room Katie is not sure whats going on or whats wrong with Jason. Hearing Jason's question Katie looks down for a moment wonder what was going on but than looks up again into Jason's eyes giving a smile.

"Of course I am happy Jason, how could I not be?"

Searching Jason's eyes Katie can see the dim spark in them and the pain that layed behond that hit Katie hard and she hated seeing that.

Was there something wrong? What was it that seemed to be missing if anything? The night Ryder had kissed her as a decoy and she felt the tiny rush Katie had asked herself the same question what was it? And the only thing she had come up with was the excitment was gone.

"I mean..maybe things have cooled down a lot, and we are fly by night anymore, and maybe we dont just grab eachother out of no where.....but we have been under alot of stress you know. Its understandable."

Addmiting that all made it seem so real and Katie wondered if it had been a good idea or not. She loved Jason with all her heart that she new.

Reaching out Katie touches Jason's hand.

"I love u Jason more than anything and I will willing to work through anything. Even when I am stuped and mess up. I just hope you'll forgive me."

But don't...

Though he enjoyed the compliment about his singing, Kyle suddenly grows quiet, thinking for a long moment. The look in his eye did not reveal that he was upset or angry... perhaps just tired of fighting.

Without warning, he lets off the gas, and pulls the jeep off onto the shoulder of the interstate. He knew where they were going and could easily catch up with the bus again. Putting the jeep in park, he just sits quietly for several moments, his eyes roaming the countryside they'd been passing through.

"Alice..." he looks down, running his finger along the steering wheel. "I left my singing behind."

Leaning back in the seat he finally turns his head to look at her. "That's why I'm here... to leave everything behind. I don't want to think about what was. I don't want to dabble in what I used to do. All it brought was trouble in the end."

He hadn't wanted to have this conversation, and it didn't feel good. But Alice was his friend, and a close one at that. He felt he at least owed it to her to tell her what was on his mind, rather than leaving her in the dark.

"I haven't felt good for quite a while. That's why I got the prescription that I did. You and my brother are the only ones who know, and that's fine by me. I don't have a place anymore, and I just got tired of pretending I was happy all the time. Getting the invitation to come on this trip was the out I was waiting for, to leave behind the mess I'd created."

His eyes beg Alice to understand. "I just want to feel good about myself again and find where I belong. If it's a prescription that gets me there, so be it. If it's Break Out, so be it. I just..."

Kyle stops and sighs. "I just want to find me again. Somewhere along the way I got lost, and I know it. But don't make me go back to what I was."

I like

Letting her laughter out Alice's smile grows and for the moment that Kyle started singing she starts along too. It was nice having someone in the car with her insted of talking to herself.

As Kyle cuts off his singing and goes quiet again Alice just looks to him for a moment the smile making its way to her lips as she reasures Kyle.

"You can keep singing, it was drowning out how I was sounded. Anyways I like how you sound so keep singing your little heart out."

Good stuff

Alice's words sting just a little bit. And for the first time, Kyle feels just a bit of irritation towards her. She didn't know how he felt. No one did. All he was trying to do was stay afloat. He knew meds weren't the answer, but until he found what was the answer, they were it. As long as they allowed him to function normally, they were worth it, in his mind.

As Alice picks up the new conversation, Kyle lets the previous one drop. He was just as glad to move on, and hoped it wouldn't have to come up again.

Being pulled over slightly by Alice's arm, he grins, and lets the jeep weave back and forth in their lane. The bus' flashing lights tell him that he'd been spotted, and he laughs, straightening the vehicle back out again.

As the song on the radio comes through loudly, Kyle opens his mouth to sing along, but suddenly stops, clamping it shut again. Instead, he goes for what's left of his Mountain Dew. "Now this... this is the good stuff."


Jason looks up, his eyebrows rising, as Katie enters his office and shuts the door. Though having thought she was coming, there was still a slight element of surprise.

He sighs and shakes his head at Katie's questions. "You just said you didn't believe I was only tired, so why ask if that's really it?"

Turning his focus to his computer, he tries to compose an email to another agent, but it doesn't work very well.

"I'm..." The word 'fine' just wouldn't come one more time. Who was he kidding? If there was one person he could never lie to and get away with it, it was Katie. To her, he was transparent.

Finally he stops working and turns to look at her again, not bothering to stand up with her. His eyes hold a dimmer spark than normal, his gaze one of slight confusion and maybe a little hurt. "Are you happy? I mean... with us?"

Know better

Hanging the pills back to Kyle Alice makes a comment that was kept soft. She didnt want to give Kyle the wrong impression at all.

"Pills dont make you happy. Taking them to cover up whats wrong is like building a sky scraper out of straw."

Letting out a sigh Alice know nothing alse should be said about this not now anyways.

"I wont tell anyone."

Continuing to look down at her pad of paper for a moment she finally looks up at Kyle again and smile the brightness shinning off her face the normal glow that was always there. Tuning her laptop so Kyle could see it Alice shows him the finished product with the banner and all.

"I just finished it. I think its exciting and it lets people know what your doing now. As soon as we get to another stop I am going to see if I can get a WiFi signal and send this off to the publisher and hope in a day or two it will find its way in Whats Up?"

Closing the laptop Alice brings her feet up to rest on the dashbored as she leans forward for a moment and turns the radio up and scoots herself closer to Kyle for a moment. Slinging an around over his shoulder while he drives she sways a little to the music.

Katie is a bit confused as she listens to Jason being able to tell that really there was something wrong and she wasnt going to stand for him not telling her.

Fine my foot you are.

Standing from her cubicle Katie makes her way across the floor and to Jason's office door. Not knocking Katie new Jason would know it was her.

Entering and closing the door behind her Katie walks over to the desk and leans on the edge closest to Jason.

"So whats up and dont tell me your fine. I can tell your not. You should know better than that by now eh?"

Katie gives Jason a small smile as she continues to wait.

"So are you really just tired or is it somehting more?"

Amazing

Kyle forces a laugh to the surface even though what his emotions really wanted to do was be embarrassed and withdraw from this conversation.

"Well then... I guess if you haven't noticed, then the meds are doing their job, wouldn't you say?"

He takes the bottle to slip it back into his pocket again. "As far as I know, no one else has noticed either, and I'd like to keep it that way." His request wasn't sharp, but it was firmly implied that he wished no one else knew of this.

All that thinking about this did was remind him of what had brought him to this point in the first place, and that seemed to be counter-productive as it only brought the depressing feelings to the surface. He just wanted to feel happy again, and that's what he was trying to accomplish. He was oblivious to the mood swings that those on the bus had noticed, and therefore was content with believing that he had the help he needed.

"So... anything fun and exciting in this next article of yours?" Kyle eyes the notebook in Alice's hand.


Yeah, yeah... everything is great.

Jason swivels in his chair, rising to rummage through his filing cabinet.

Just tired I guess.

He knew the lie was a lame one, and rolls his eyes at himself. He flips through some folders and papers, trying to concentrate, but it doesn't work very well.

Maybe "inadequate" is the right word to describe how I feel, I don't know.

The drawer slams shut and Jason flops back down in his chair. Trooper's head rises from the floor, looking at him in question.

"What?" Jason shakes his head. "We're not going yet." Trooper lays his head back down.

Oh, never mind. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm fine.


Axel stands quietly, his heart beating all the stronger as Jess places a hand on his chest. It had been too long since he'd dared take a chance with someone, but the wait seemed to be worth it.

As Jess embraces him, he automatically wraps his arms around her, and plants a gentle kiss to the top of her head. It all felt so awkward, but so natural at the same time.

"It's amazing my heart beat at all before knowing you."

Saprised

Feeling the tention shift in the car Alice knows that this must be a touchy subject for Kyle. Keeping the smile on her face like normal she just waits.

Since Alice had meet Kyle she felt like she had known him for years and was his best friend. The feeling was strange to be connected to someone so fast but she couldnt help but feel that was part of God's plan.

Continuing to wait Alice dosnt rush it. She didnt want to push Kyle on this matter because she new it must be a delicate on.

When handed the bottle Alice turns to read it just a little. She couldnt help but open her eyes just a little in saprise at the content. Giving a sidelong glance to Kyler her energy was still pumping and her smile still ferm but her tone was much softer now.

"Anti-depressentes? Your depressed? You dont see very depressed to me or is that because you take these?"

Alice couldnt help but ask questions it was in her nature though she wasnt upset, or put off by them at all only a bit saprised.

Receving Jason's message Katie gives a smile. It was good to hear from Jason always and it was good to know Angel was going to be ok.

Thanks for letting me know J.

Feeling the lack of enthuseasum in Jason's thoughts Katie stops for a moment from working. The last few says something had been differnt though she wasnt sure what it was or why.

J, is everything ok? The last few days you have been pretty quiet.

Looking up to meet Axel's eyes Jess gives a smile. Just feeling him close braught a hole new feeling to her that she likes. When he touched her hair, or her arm it was like a rush ran through her body.

"I think I want to stay just a little while longer so I dont have to be saparated from you by a car."

Jess steps forward and lays a hand on his chest over his heart. She could feel it beating and even that seemed so differnt, but felt good.

"I can feel your heart beating."

Leaning her head aganst Axel Jess wraps her arms around him just letting her feelings wash over her as she enjoys it.