Heartspeak

As Scott takes in Katie's words his eyes begin to focus on some papers on his desk, his fingers absentmindedly twirling his glasses. He listened with respect, not interrupting, not trying to change or correct anything she said.

After Katie has said what she's come to say, Scott finally looks her in the eye once more. His face was drawn with tension, his eyes almost developing a bloodshot look as an obvious sign of him trying to control the emotions that threatened him.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Katie." His voice is low, almost gruff for it being Scott. "You did what you thought was right and...maybe you think it's stupid now, but you thought it best then, and all you're doing now is second guessing yourself. As for me..."

His thought trails off for a moment as he pauses, his eyes roaming his desk once more. "Anything you see beyond the surface is what you brought out."

Scott's sincerity in his words prove that what he's saying isn't just off the top of his head, but he's put a lot of thought into it, prior to today. "When you came here, I watched you. you fascinated me. Every move you made, every word you spoke. But you were out of my league. You had the attention of everyone, especially Wyatt the very day you walked through that door." He lets out a slight dry laugh. "I knew I couldn't stand up to him. After Wyatt came Jason. There was no way I could even toy with the idea of being more than friends with you anymore. Jason was the Hotshot...Jason was the man at TJY. Every woman around here considered you lucky to have snagged him. And then..."

He pauses again, his eyes finding Katie's face. "...then he left. Things got tough and I finally saw an opening. I'd been waiting in the wings for so long, I had to try. And I stole you right out from under Jason's nose. I made an enemy that day, but I considered it worth it. You lit up my world, Katie. You were my world. You were all my hopes and dreams wrapped up in a single package of the love I'd been searching for. You understood me...you saw me for who I was on the inside...and you brought out the best in me. Never in my life have I loved more deeply. Never in my life have I felt anything the same as I felt for you, Katie."

Scott holds up his hand, measuring with his first finger and thumb. "And I came this close to making you mine for ever. This close."

He lets his hand drop back onto his desk, his glistening eyes still on Katie, his voice growing quieter, more strained. "And if I thought I had the smallest, most tiny chance in the world at all to gain that back, I would drop to my knees right now and beg you to come back."

Swallowing hard, he tries to maintain his composure. "But there's a problem. Jason is still there...and he always will be. And...no matter how much I try to convince myself...no matter how hard I always tried...I wouldn't ever be able to live peacefully, knowing that you and he needed each other."

His eyes finally fall back down again, unable to continue focusing on the one he loved so deeply. "We can wish it to work all we want. But in the end...you and I both know that you feel not only an obligation to him, but a love for him. And...that wouldn't be healthy for our relationship."

Scott's fingers run along his desk, his face showing the inner turmoil that he felt. "Maybe I should be strong enough to deal with it...maybe I should have a stronger faith to know that Jason wouldn't come between you and me. But I knew the risks in the beginning and I took the chance anyway. And now...these are the consequences of that chance."

He pauses, collecting more thoughts. "Would I have given up the time I had with you, had I known this would happen? Probably not. Would I have changed anything? Probably not."

He shakes his head slowly. "I'm not angry with you, Katie. I won't lie...I'm disappointed, and I feel lost without you. I feel like a fish out of water. But you did what we both knew was right. So don't second guess yourself. Just...move on. It's what I'm trying to do."


Carson downs another shot of whiskey before slamming the glass down on the counter. Instead of pouring another one, he takes the whole bottle and staggers into the living room to plop down on the couch and take another big swig. Miserable wasn't a good enough word to describe how he felt.

His hand makes its way to his neck where he feels the chain and locket he'd held so close ever since Misty had given it to him. In an angry motion, he snaps it from his neck, takes one more look at it, then hurls it across his living room where it hits the wall and lands somewhere behind his television set.

Mumbling to himself, he drinks some more whiskey. His answering machine blinked, but he ignored it. All three messages were from Velvet. The last one told him the gang would be at the Bullseye again tonight, but it had included things that Carson just as soon no one else heard.

For now though, the call went unreturned. He didn't feel like playing cards. He didn't feel like going to the bar. He just felt...numb.

Last Hope

*Katie steps all the way into Scott's office as he says its ok closing the door behind her. Timidly Katie walks over to the empty chair that was across from Scott. Looking down at her hands she than look up at him again. Searching his eyes for a long moment. As she looks into them Katie instintly remember what it was like to love Scott, she remembered the time together. What she had been looking for in the photo's she found again and now she missed it. Finally she speaks though its choppy and not put together well.*

"I'm...not even sure what I want to say. I mean I know but I dont know what to say it.."

*Katie grows silent for a moment listing to the nothingness and trying to collect her thoughts.*

"I guess I want to start with saying I am sorry.."

*Katie looks at Scott and gives a small smile reading his eyes for a moment.*

"...I know I don't have too, but I guess I want to say it anyways. I'm sorry I was stupid and if I could go back in time and stop myself from making that mistake I would."

*For a moment Katie looks around Scott's office the laughter ringing in her hears and the smile she remembered, the kiss and the hugs. Turning back to look at Scott across the table a single tear forms in Katie's eye.*

"All in all I was plane dumb to let something I charished so much out of my life. All I ever wanted I had and I said goodbye like the fool I am."

*Katie lets out a long sigh and looks down at her pants for a moment picking at the loss string. It wasent often she wore jeans to work but the last week or so she dident feel like geting dressed up. She herself dident feel like doing much.*

"I guess what I am trying to say Scott is don't stop living because of me. Don't let my stupidity hold you back from the man you are. I know and you know your more than you make youself out to be. Whether you'r as you put it the geeky Scott or the dresses up Scott, you were something to me, and your something to everyone out there too. I'm not the only one who looks past the outside Scott. Everyone alse does too. I just wanted you to know that."

*Katie lets out a sigh and stands from the chair she own shoulder slumped a little. She was now paying for her actions and it dident feel good, but Katie dident know what alse to say. She wasent even sure what Scott would think. She'd hurt him and he had every right now to listen to her of even care about what she said and Katie was ready to accept that consaquence.*

Anytime

Scott hears the knock at his door and calls out that it's fine to enter. He keeps his eyes on his computer screen for several moments, but when he turns his head, his eyes land on Katie. He can't help the slight surprise that passes over his face. He hadn't expected her to come. It seemed like forever since they'd actually talked, and the awkwardness hung thick in the air.

He searches Katie's eyes for a moment before leaning back in his chair and removing his glasses to rub his tired eyes. He'd gotten used to being alone...but he wouldn't tell Katie to leave.

His eyes drift back down to his desk, but he speaks anyway. "Yeah, I got a few minutes." He gestures to an empty chair, signaling that he's okay with it if she wants to sit or stand.


Jason just holds Misty until her tears stop. He was surprised he didn't feel that awkward about it...he and Misty were good friends but they'd never been all that close. Perhaps it was simply learning how to comfort Katie that gave him the ability to do it now.

He chuckles softly at her comment, and looks down at the spot on his shirt. "That's okay. I don't mind." He cocks his head so he can see Misty's eyes. "I'm going to let you work if you want, or I'm sure you can go home too. But you know my number, alright? Anytime, and I mean it."

Tissue

*Katie slowly makes her way to the infermary she stops seeing Rick and Susanne outside. Standing to the side Katie decieds to wait as they talk not waiting to intarupt. Sitting down Katie waits.

As she waits she dosent mean to but over hear Rick and Susanne's conversation. Her own consern grows as she hears about Scott. She had done this to him. She had caused this hurt that caused him the depression. Pushing aside her own Katie stands again and slowly heads down the hall.

Coming to Scott's door Katie just stands for a moment. What was she going to say? What was she going to do? Katie wasent sure but she felt the need to at least see him and God would give her the words from there.

Softly knocking on the door Katie opens it hearing Scott's voice. Poking her head in she trys to replace her own depression with a soft smile. Though she probley looked like crap herself she had to try and be strong at this moment. Stepping inside Katie does not shut the door yet as she finally speaks looking at Scott. He really did look skinner than normal and her heart went out to him.*

"Hey Scotty, I...I was wondering if you wernt busy I could talk to you for a moment?!"

*As Misty is pulled up into Jason's arms she wraps her own around him soaking up his comfort and letting what was left of her tears come freely as she burryed her face into his shoulder.

Misty apreshated Jason's comfort. It was nice to just have a friend there she could lean on and cry too. It was something she wasent use to but she liked it.

Continuing to snivle in Jason's shoulder for alittle while longer she finally stops a little calming herself down. She felt tore up inside still and her hurt alot but no more tears could come right now. Her eyes were dry.

Pulling herself away from him she looks down at the big wet spot on his shoulder and gives a small laugh through the left over tears. Bringing a hand to it she rubs the spot.*

"I used you as a tissue!! Sorry about that."

Scott

Jason watches Carson leave, his temper starting to subside. Hearing Misty, he turns back to her, his angry look replaced by sympathy.

He shakes his head a little. "Thanks for what?"

Sighing, he just studies Misty for several moments, feeling the hurt for this friend. He didn't like seeing people hurt. He used to be able to ignore it. But he'd felt so much of it himself lately, that he could relate, and he didn't like seeing others go through it too.

Reaching down, he pulls Misty up out of her chair to wrap her in a hug meant to comfort. "It'll be okay...just hang in there."


Rick sighs deeply as he watches the whole display, and slowly returns to his work, wanting to give Misty her space, and deciding that the work he had for her today could wait.

"Hey, Rick?"

He looks to the door, surprised to see Susanne. Wanting to leave Misty and Jason alone without drawing attention, he goes out into the hall. "Yeah? What's up?"

"Has Scott come to see you?"

Rick quirks an eyebrow. "I haven't hardly seen him at all the last few weeks. Why?"

"I just..." Worry courses through Susanne's eyes. "I don't know...I know it's probably not any of my business, but...well Scott's kind of always been like a son and I..."

Rick crosses his arms, cocking his head an giving Susanne a slight grin. "Just say what you want to say."

Susanne sighs. "I'm worried about him. He's just...he's like a bean pole."

"He always has been."

"You haven't seen him lately, have you." Susanne shakes her head. "He looks like he's wasting away to nothing. I'm assuming it was the whole Katie thing that set him off, but I know he's not eating right. I never see him eating his lunches, I gave him some leftovers once so they didn't spoil at my place and I found them in garbage later. I wasn't offended... but he always loved my cooking. I just...I hope he's okay and not sick and... I guess I thought if something was really wrong with him that you would know."

Rick shakes his head slowly. "No...but that's for drawing my attention to it. I might just check in on him or at least keep my eye out. The last thing we need is for him to go down."

Hurt

*Misty sits silently as Carson continues to talk. The battle still raging inside of her. As Carson says her name Misty flinches. Her insides screaming more to go to him. Just the way he said her name.

As Jason steps up and dosent give her a chanse to say anything she is thankful or she would of ran to him. Though cringing again as the small fight starts it causes more term oil inside of her. Misty could almost feel Carson's eyes on the back of her chair before he turned to leave. Misty can picture his face in her head, his eyes, there good times, and it dosent help. Once Carson is gone as if a last fleeting though Misty turns in her chair and watches him walk away. Slowly reaching her hand out to him she cocks her head slightly as the tears still come. His name stuck in the throut not being able to call him.

Once Carson is gone Misty lowers her hand and knows its done. Turning she looks up at Jason for a moment and burrys her face into her hands. What alse could she do. *

"Thank you Jase."

Order

Jason's words hit Carson harder than he would have thought. He'd been talked down to before. He'd been insulted before. He'd been given trashtalk before. But this hurt. It shouldn't, but it did. Right about now, he'd like to stop caring completely, but the wound was still too fresh for that. He had been stupid and this was the result of that stupidity.

Carson moves forward several more steps, desperation seeping in next to his frustration and anger. "Let me at least say my piece."

Jason stands his ground, shifting his weight to be a barrier between Carson and Misty. "You've done enough damage. Can't you see that? You need to leave. Now."

Carson's eyes narrow. "Nobody tells me what to do, least of all you." Seeing Misty turn her back on him is like a knife driving straight into his heart. Yet it was of his own doing. His eyes burn as the emotions threaten to spill over in the form of hated tears. He had never allowed himself to show this emotion in public to anyone before. Least of all over a woman. But for some reason this time it couldn't be stopped. "Come on," he begs. "Just let me talk. Misty?"

Jason puts his hands on his hips. "Go, Carson. Before you make things worse."

Not used to such an emotional strain, Carson's hands shake slightly, his voice rising to a louder level again. "Stop telling me what to do! This is none of your business!"

"You seem to have forgotten where you are, Carson." Jason takes several more steps forward to where he can look down on him. "You're not a part of this place anymore. You're an outsider, and overstepping your bounds. Now get out." His words are harsh and cold. He can't stand Carson's presence right now, knowing that it's tearing Misty to pieces.

Carson's jaw flexes as he takes in Jason's commanding tone. "Make me."

Jason searches Carson's eyes for a moment and shifts his weight.

Rick's eyes widen. "Jason don't..."

Too late. Jason's knuckles meet Carson's jaw. They land with such an unexpected force that Carson is thrown backward, stumbling before hitting the open doorway and sliding to the floor. Dazed, he blinks for a moment before Jason grabs him and pulls him back up on his feet, shoving him into the hall. "Out!"

Carson rubs his jaw, his anger the only thing he feels now. He stares at Jason, his blood boiling. He wants to fight back. He had enough negative energy to take Jason down. But this time...

He looks past Jason to Misty's desk. He can't see her face. All he can hear are her sobs. and he knew...now he knew...it was over.

Swallowing hard, but holding his head high, Carson reaches down to grab his baseball cap that had fallen off, and heads back to the main floor, aiming for the exit.

Consaquences

*Misty listens to Jason words. Taking them in she knows it true but her heart just dosnt have the streagnth to listen. Her mind wanted a reason, her mind wasent to know why..and the only answer it could come up with was a finger pointed at herself.

At Carson's voice Misty looks up. Stairing through her tears at Carson what is left of her heart screams out to him. Her heart wants Carson, Her heart wants him close to her once again. Pushing her chair back Misty shifts a little bit. Listing to Jason talk to Carson and seeing him take a step twords him stops and eases herself down in the chair once again. Memories flooding back. The sicking feeling of another woman being in Carson's arms washing over her.

Misty new the look on her face was one that accepted Carson back. She new her eyes showed pain yet showed that she wanted him close still. With all that was left of her heart she wanted to take Carson back. Yet Jason was right, nothing would change if Carson new he could get away with it. He would never learn if she always went back to him. But having him in front of her was hard.

Trying to hold her tears back some still slip through as her head is heavy and her sobs strong yet soft as the same time. Slowly Misty pushes her chair so it spins till the back is to Carson. Her tears start to flow more as she thinks about what she is doing. What is going on, and who is slipping out of her fingers. But this had to be done. Carson needed to know there was consaquences. The only sounds Misty offered to anyone was her sobs and sniffles. While her heart screamed and hated her for denying it what it wanted. The battle raged inside causing Misty to cry even more,*

Angry words

Jason's heart goes out to Misty as she speaks. Carson wasn't his favorite person in the world, but he hadn't thought the guy would go and do something like this...again. It was bad enough he'd hurt Misty in the past more than once, but to do this now... to have had such a good relationship with Misty and then flush it all down the toilet in one single move... Jason just couldn't understand.

"Aw, Misty." He reaches up to wipe a tear that had run down her face. He wished he knew what to say. He was sad for her and a deep anger was forming all over again against Carson. Jason and Misty weren't all that close, but she was his friend...his good friend and coworker, and knowing that Carson had hurt her this badly made his blood boil. "It'll be okay," he tries to comfort.

He straights to stand and leans against Misty's desk, still facing her. "I don't know why he'd do something like that either....but you're right...it's not your fault. Carson obviously has a problem with commitment, and there's nothing you can do about that yourself." He hated his next words, but they came anyway because he believed them to be true. "I don't think he's going to change, Misty...he obviously has a pattern and maybe it took it a while to go full circle again, but it did. You've done nothing wrong...you've done nothing to deserve this, and you've done everything right as far as I'm concerned. I've seen you with him." Jason pauses a moment, remembering how Misty and Carson had always interacted. Sometimes he'd wished he had what they did....they didn't care what other people thought, and were obviously happy.

"I know it's tough..." He lets out a little sigh. "And I wish I had some miracle formula...I wish Rick had something to take for that kind of pain, but trust me...I know there's no medical cure. But you'll be okay." He nods. "Of that I'm sure. You're just going to have to realize that Carson is going to be Carson no matter what and...if you don't want to get hurt again..." He shrugs, not wanting to sound that harsh, but he knows it does. "...then you're going to have to move past him."

Movement in the doorway catches his attention and he turns, his eyes widening slightly. Carson looked terrible. And he'd dared to come here?

Carson stops in the doorway and looks to Misty, his eyes pleading. He takes several steps forward, unsure what to say or how to say it, especially with Jason and Rick there. But seeing Misty's face and tears, he knew that surely the other two men knew what was going on. He tries to ignore them.

"Misty, I..."

Jason stands up straight and glares at Carson. "Get out of here, Carson," he growls.

Carson's eyes shift to Jason with slight surprise, the order just egging on his own anger. "Stay out of this."

"Look, Misty doesn't need this right now." Jason points to the door. "Leave before you make a scene and do anything else stupid."

"I just wanted to apologize!"

"Apologies aren't good enough!" Jason raises his voice, his glare staring Carson down. "When will you learn that? When will you stop hurting people, Carson? You're a master of torture and that's exactly what you're still doing. Only now you've moved past physical torture to torture of the heart and that's even worse."

Carson grits his teeth. He could feel the strangeness of hot tears behind his eyes and he didn't understand why. He glares at Jason, then looks to Misty, then back at Jason again. His hands are fists at his side. He's so angry. He's so frustrated.

Confesstion

*Misty stairs at her paper work her mind still reeling with thoughs and emotions. It felt like nothing alse was near her, no one alse was around. She had forgotten Rick and Jason were even in the room.

Her mind kept playing over and over again the last several months of happyness she had, had with Carson was it all a lie? No...Misty new in her heart is wasent and Carson did enjoy there time but why?...why did he do this than?

Her fingers slowly movie to the steel braclet that fashioned her wrist, running over the nameplate. Misty could feel her heart start to break all over again and the tears staring to flow once more.

As Misty feels Jason's hand on her shoulder her gives a jump forgetting he and Rick had been in the room. Turning to Jason Misty looks him dead in the eye saying nothing for a moment as her tears still pool and her words just wont come. All she can do is stair into Jason's eyes searching. Whats was she looking for there she dident know.

Finally leting her gaze drop again Misty voice is soft and meek. The normal stragnth that was present, the strong tone is no where to be found. If Misty was to here this voice herself she would say there was no way it was her.*

"Carson...and I are over J."

*Misty can feel her tears fall, she can feel herself shaking as she continues to tell Jason what had happend over the last few weeks, what happend lastnight and what happend this morning. She dident spair Jason any details for she was angry ontop of hurt and maybe this was her way of letting it out she wasent sure. She new she was blubbering to him, talking between sobs, between sniffles. She layed her heart out to Jason. What was left of it anyways.*

"...so I told him goodbye. I came to work because home just dident seem like home anymore. It held many bad memories that Carson helped chase away and now even if it is just in my mind it feels like they are all back again. Everything just seems dull now, and it hurts so bad. I dont even know where all the peace of my heart went Jason. They just shattered and than Scattered. I just...I don't know anymore. I feel sick, and tired, and just not happy. I mean why? why would Carson do this again? Things were going so good..and than they just feel apart. Was it me? Did I do somehting wrong? I know its not me but I cant help and feel it is anyways."

*Misty keeps her head down bringing her hand up to whipe her tears away while more come. She felt silly sitting here crying over someone. She'd had plenty of guys dump her and she had dumped many as well but this time it was so differnt, this time she did love him. Where had she gone wrong.....*

Trying

Carson is grateful for Herb's words, but he doesn't know what to even do with them. So without saying more, he takes off his apron and heads out. Moving across the floor, he can't even meet Aerith's eyes, or Mabel's. He doesn't even bother saying goodbye. They would know what had happened by tomorrow, if they didn't already. He could feel the heat on his face...his embarrassment and guilt was overwhelming.

Getting back to his apartment, he lets his door slam behind him. The place he called home felt empty. So many times after work, Misty had been here waiting for him, planning to go out to eat, or just stay and watch movies. Was that gone for good? Was it really over? Could he fix what had happened? He couldn't go back in time...but could he apologize? Could he make it right?

Carson heads straight to his kitchen cupboard where he'd stored his bottle of whiskey, out of sight from Misty. Taking a swig, he lets it settle, trying to clear his mind. Thoughts of last night haunted him. How could he have done what he had? He'd completely pushed the thought of Misty out of his mind...he'd convinced himself that it was alright...he'd convinced himself that he was his own man, able to do whatever he wanted to do and that no one else was in control of him. He'd shoved aside his guilt and his conscience's warnings.

Pulling the locket out of his shirt, Carson flips it over to look at the young face of Misty. He'd lost her once before...Couldn't he go to her now and apologize? Couldn't he at least try?

...Misty's car was not at her place. Next stop, TJY. Carson hated the thought of going there now...if Misty had gone back to work, would others know yet? How would he be treated? But he had to go see...he had to try. He'd been a fool and he knew it. He was so mad at himself he didn't know what to do.


Rick and Jason look up as Misty enters the infirmary. Their little argument is halted as they greet her casually. But something was wrong. Rick quirks an eyebrow and Jason's gaze follows Misty to her desk. He throws Rick a questioning look, but Rick only shrugs. The look on Misty's face indicated something was wrong, but he knew nothing.

Jason eases down off the bed and makes his way over to Misty cautiously. He didn't want to overstep his bounds, but she didn't look good at all. Why was she even here if something was that wrong?

"Hey..." He lays a hand on her shoulder before squatting down to be just below her eye level. "Misty...what's wrong?"

Empty

*Herb rests his hand on Carson's shoulder. He new this was his fault but he also new he was sorry and he has been trying. Why he went down this path again he wasent sure but he new Carson was now in a great deal of pain that could not be discribed. Showing sympathy Herb gives a nod.*

"Take the rest of the day off. Get some sleep and give yourself as much time as you need. Your job will be waiting for you."

*Herb gives a small sigh and turns to head back into the kitchen. Stopping for a moment and looking back at Carson he trys to off him a look of comfort though he knows it probley dosent do much.*

"If you need anything or anyone to talk to Carson my door is always open. I'm here for ya."

*Herb enters the kitchen once again and starts to prepair a few orders that had come through. His own heart heavy for Misty and Carson.*

*As Misty pulls into TJY she keeps her car running for a moment just listing to the music and stairing at nothing at all. She wasent even quite sure how she had made it to work. She new she was driving but her mind was a million miles away on everything alse as her heart continues to break.

Leaning her arms on the stearing wheel Misty burrys her face into her arms and just lets the tears continue to come. how fast things had changed. One minute things were fine and the next they were laying at her feet in peaces.

The look that had been in Carson's eye was one that showed he was sorry, that showed his guilt. He had a look that said he dident want to lose Misty. The little boy pleeded for her to stay an not walk away. That look was the one that haunted Misty now. Even through this she hadent want to leave, she hadent wanted to walk away but she new she had to. Though the little boy was sorry, what was done was done and if things dident change it would just happen again. Misty loved Carson so much that she couldent let her heart break another time. This was the second time and it felt worse than the first. Misty wondered if she even had any heart left.

Whiping the tears from her eyes Misty shuts her car off. Trying to controll them all she can but leting a few escape anyways she heads into TJY. Keeping her head down Misty heads inside across the floor. Her stomach still doing flip flops. Slowly making her way to the infermary she stops at the door hearing voices. Letting out a sigh she opens the door and enters. Looking up she trys to give Rick and Jason the best smile she can. They had enough problems to worry about with out hers added on. Looking back down as the ground Misty continues to her desk. She new her eyes were bloodshot and a few tears were still there, but once she dived into work maybe her mind would be occupied on something alse and she would feel all she was. Knowing it wasent true she could only hope. She hurt all over and she just wanted to scream. She wanted to feel comfort, but her mind just tryed to block it out. A conflicting battle raged inside of her, fighting for controll and the want to tell the one last person she trusted. But how even now her heart was broken to much to but that faith in even the one she new she could trust.

Misty lets out a shuttering sigh as she pulls out of paper work and stairs down at it. She could read the letters, she new the words but she just couldent comprehend what it said. All she could see was Carson, all she could feel was Carson, all she new how to love was Carson, and now it was all taken away and Misty felt loss. What was the point if life seemed so empty.*

Knee

Emotions swirl within Carson, threatening to overflow. As Misty steps forward to take his hand, he doesn't know whether he should curl his fingers around hers or not.

He stands still as she leans up to kiss his cheek. He'd like to think he was forgiven. But he knew better. Something had broken. Something precious. Something that could not be glued back together with a lame apology or excuse.

Misty's words make him want to scream. He'd done this. This was his fault. No one else was to blame. And as she says goodbye, the cold hard truth stands tall. It was over.

Too many words want to come. Too many emotions want to spill over. But all Carson can do is stand stunned, watching Misty leave...watching the swinging doors close behind her. And he just stares...at nothingness...at the void he had just created. He had just lost Misty, and even that fact couldn't yet be fully comprehended. His own mind didn't even want to process that or think about it. It caused too much pain...it was too much like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from.

Turning back around, he sees Herb again. What could he say...what could he do... It was as if he were in shock and his mind could no longer function. He was hurt...embarrassed...irritated...frustrated...angry. All those feelings boiled up into one big ball of misery. And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. The chain around his neck that he'd held so close felt heavy...he could feel the locket underneath his shirt, and dared not let his mind wander back to the day Misty had given it to him. If he thought of that for too long, he'd be apt to break down.

Leaning back against the wall, he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, his hands finding his pockets. "I'm sorry you had to hear all this," he finally manages to Herb. "If it's all the same to you though, I'd just as soon go home. I don't think I'm going to do you much good today."


"Jason, I'm sorry!" Rick throws his hands up in the air. "I'm not signing that release."

"But Rick!"

"No buts!" Rick shakes his head and tosses his clipboard onto the counter. "Look...I've told you a million times. Your knee did not heal the way it should have. I've done all I can with medications to help the process and help with the pain. But if I keep giving you these shots, your system will grow immune to it, and then what? You need to take other pain medications, you need to ice the knee every night, and you need to start taking it easy!" Rick sighs with frustration. "How many times have I told you to take some time off work? How many times have I told you not to ride your bike until your knee is healed? How many times, Jason? And you still do all those things. You're hurting yourself by not taking care of yourself."

Jason sits on the bed in the infirmary and looks at the floor, gritting his teeth. His fingers dig into the mattress as he can feel his anger starting to boil. This whole thing was just stupid. He should be fine. He should be able to function normally. And yet he couldn't. "There's nothing else you can do?"

"I could go in again." Rick crosses his arms. "But I risk doing even more damage. I could try to repair things more. But I risk tearing things too greatly. I could have you go to a specialist and have them operate instead of me, but they'll tell you the same risks. I'm sorry, Jase...it was a bad injury back when you were kidnapped, and whatever happened to it when you fought with Carson just did it in. As long as it's inflamed like that, I'm not going to give Reese a release on you. There's still infection in there...there's still fluid in there and if I let you go and something happens, it's on my head."

Jason just sits, his frustration surging through him. He'd told no one about this...he'd told no one about how frequent his visits were to the infirmary. Lately it had been every day. He'd slipped in an out without anyone noticing...he'd hidden it from Reese...from Nate...from Katie...and he'd even gotten away with getting past Misty half the time. But now what?

Best and Hardest

*Misty stands searching Carson's eyes for an answer that just wouldent come. The pools of tears welling behind her eyes but not breaking free. She hurt...she hurt alot. She wanted to run away, she wanted to scream and yell. She wanted someone to pay for this that had happend, but the only one to blame was Carson himself.

Standing for a few moment more Misty gives a small jump as Carson comes twords her. Taking her own few step back to keep the distince for a moment longer. Misty dident know what to say or what to do. She was crushed once again and this time she wasent sure if all the peaces could be found and put back together. Like a mirror you can only fix it so many times before the peaces become to small.

Finally taking a few steps Misty moves twords Carson. Reaching out she takes a hold of his hand in her own as it quivers and it shakes. Looking up at him the tears finally come. Leaning up she gives him a small kiss on the cheek knowing that this very well maybe the last kiss she ever gives the man she loved so much. Her voice is meek as she finally speaks, the words that catch in her throut and dont want to come.*

"Sometimes, the best and hardest way to say I love you, is to say goodbye."

*Misty finally backs away a little and lets go of Carson's hand. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to find her answer, but she new if she did she would never be able to walk away, and than this might happen again and again. No...she had to go.*

"Goodbye Carson!"

*Hanging her own head and letting the tears come Misty heads out of the backroom and out the front door making her way to her car. She felt sick, she had to get away she had to make her mind busy. Home...she dident want home, it was quiet and lonly there. Work...she felt safe at work. That is where she needed to go.*

Mess

Carson looks to the side quickly, following Herb's gaze. And all of a sudden he felt sick all over again. He wanted to act like everything was fine and pretend that Misty hadn't heard everything. He wanted to simply ask her what she'd heard. But he didn't have to. It was obvious. She'd heard his whole confession.

Without thinking, he stands up, taking a couple steps towards Misty, but daring to go no further. His eyes meet hers. His full of the pain of guilt...the lack of understanding his own actions...the apology reflecting clearly.

But seeing her own eyes...seeing the look that was passing through them, Carson knows. Deep down, he knows...this wouldn't be like last time.

"Misty, I..." What could he say? 'I'm sorry' just didn't seem to cut it.

He just stands...silent...motionless. Waiting for the dreaded outcome of this horrid mess.

Bottle Rocket

*Misty stands from the booth she was sitting in and smiles at Mable.*

"Do you mind if I go back and see that everything is ok with Carson Mable?"

*Giving a smile Mable nods.*

"It's quite alright dear, its not to busy at the moment."

*Misty gives her nod of thanks and heads back behind the swinging doors. Seeing Carson and Herb sitting in the hallway neather of them looking her way she starts to wonder closer about to say something but stops as a few words hit her ears.*

"I messed up."

*Misty listens closer for a moment. What was going on something was not right.*

"I just cheated on herI just cheated on her..."

*Misty's heart leeps into her throut as she takes in Carson's conversation with her. It was one she was not ment to hear but she did and she couldent pretent she dident. Some many things filled her at the moment she dident know what to do but stand there stuned, her heart cracking once again. How could this happen...again? Hadn't Carson learned? Hadn't her love not been enough? Was she doing something wrong? Misty did not know what to think. All the questions...all the wondering...all the pain built up inside like a bottle rocket ready to go off.*

*Herb listen to Carson as he talks. Not saying much but just listing. His heart sank a little at the news of why Carson had been late. He felt bad for him in a sence and at the same time he didn't. He new Carson was reeping the consaquences once again from his actions. All Herb could do was offer what little addivce he could.*

"Well Carson thats feeling like crap is called conviction. You have come along way not to feel it. The best addvice as any I can tell you is to talk to Misty before...'

*Herb's words are cute off as he turns his head hearing a soft noise. His eyes widen a bit and than show a sadness not often shown by Herb. The look written on Misty's face said it all. She had over hurd, she new, and she was hurting. Herb could not even start to imagen the pain that was being felt by eather.*

the truth

Carson pauses his work as Herb stops him, though he refuses to meet his older friend's eyes. he couldn't. How on earth was he supposed to explain what had happened last night? It was....it wasn't....it had...it....

He lets out an angry sigh and tosses his towel aside, sinking down into a chair that was against the kitchen wall. Burying his face in his hands, he's silent for a long while. His mind ran wild with so many things, he didn't know what to think or what to feel. He wanted to go back in time. He wanted to go back and fix what had gone wrong. He wanted to make different decisions. But he couldn't. No one could. What was done was done, and there was nothing that could change it.

His own words startle himself. He didn't know why he'd even confide in Herb. He shouldn't. He should just stay quiet and pretend none of this had ever happened. But the guilt was so great that he couldn't ignore it this time.

"I messed up." His statement is muffled in his hands.

He finally lifts his head, but still refuses to look up at Herb. "I messed up big." A pause offers enough time for him to stop or come up with a lie, but he couldn't. It seems like an eternity, but slowly, he lets his eyes find Herb's. He knew he had guilt written all over him. If he tried to give an excuse, Herb would know. And adding lies to this whole mess would do no good.

"I took a woman to her home last night, and...I didn't leave until this morning." The implications were there. Carson knew he needn't go into any details. "...And right about now I feel more rotten than I ever have before."

Swallowing hard, his head hangs once again as he stares at a spot on the floor. "There's only one person I've ever really cared about Herb...and I just cheated on her...blatantly...and willingly. I'm sorry I was late this morning."

Visas Circle

*Misty wakes with a start from Carson couch. Looking around the room she looks for signs of life but finds none. Her and Carson had planed a late night movie last night after his card game with his friends but he never had showed up to her place. Growing worried Misty had come over to Carson's to see if he was ok and must have passed out on the couch waiting for him. Standing she heads into the bedroom and takes a look around. Nothing had been touched this morning. Misty's worry increases. She had tried his cell but got no answer. Looking at the clock she figures Carson should be at work by now. They were going to meet for lunch but Misty was worried to even think about that. She just wanted to make sure he was ok.*

*As Carson makes his way into the kitchen Herb just looks at him for a moment. Today had been fairly slow, the weather was starting to get cold and less people were coming in and out. Once the snow settled it would start up again but for now it was like a ghost town except for the small figure sitting in one of the booths sipping on some coffee and rises when they see Carson enter.

As Herb watches Carson making mistakes, and seeing his irritation and frustration grow he slowly shakes his head. The moment Carson walked in Herb could read his face. Guilt was all over it and the smells that lingered told the rest.

Going over to Carson Herb lays a hand on his shoulder.*

"Stop working for a moment Carson. Things are slow at the moment, and the more you get frustrated the more your going to mess up and its just going to be a visas circle."

*Herb lets out a sigh as he looks at his young employee. He had grows fond on Carson and was worried but he had to remember his business came first as well.

Giving a nod to the hallway and steps out as well.*

"It might be a long story but I'm here to listen not to mention a right to know why you were so late today..."

*Herb's face show not much emotions except worry, and the hope that Carson will find confidence in him.*

All night

Carson rolls his eyes at Jess and Peter, now used to their banter. He swivels his head to Velvet, ignoring her comment about snatching him up. "How do we put up with these two eh?"

Velvet giggles. "I have no idea. I think it's called fun."

The night proceeds as normal, and the hour gets later and later. Finally the foursome decides to break up for the night, with the usual promises of being back the next night.

Carson lets Velvet walk ahead of him to his car, letting her in the passenger door before sliding in behind the wheel. "Alright, where we headed?"

"Just pull out of here and take a right. Go straight until I tell you otherwise."

"Right." Carson does as directed and starts across town.

Twenty minutes later, he's pulling into the drive of a small apartment complex. Velvet sighs and unbuckles her seatbelt. "I don't think I'm tired enough to hit the hay," she muses with humor.

Carson chuckles. "Me either."

Velvet eyes him for a moment. "I, um...I've got a bottle of wine that I've been waiting to open. Seems as shame to waist it all on myself."

Carson quirks an eyebrow. Every part of his conscience screamed at him that red flags were everywhere, but he was so tired of always looking over his shoulder. Just because he might walk Velvet inside, it didn't mean there was anything else connected to it. "Red or white?"

"Red."

"Mm." Carson's grin remains as he thinks for a moment. Finally he takes the keys out of the ignition. "Just one glass - I still have to drive home."

Velvet laughs. "Deal."


...Carson's eyes open slowly, soft light from the window trying to wake his senses. His mind was foggy, his eyesight not yet cleared. But...this didn't seem like his bedroom...this...didn't feel like his bed. Moving his foot and feeling a warm body, suddenly everything comes back to him. And when it does, his mind is filled with such chaos that he can't even think straight. What...how... Oh, no...was it even worth asking himself those questions?

Just as quickly, something in his mind urges him to look at the time. Glancing to his watch, his eyes widen. It was almost ten o'clock. He should have been to work an hour ago.

Sitting up, he immediately starts to dress, now in a state of almost panic. His cell phone had died on him the day before and he wasn't about to call Herb from Velvet's phone and explain where he was. He would just have to get there late and...and... He stops dressing and rests his elbows on his knees, running his hands over his face. ...And think of some kind of excuse. He couldn't recall any logic he'd used the night before after three...or four glasses of wine, and this morning he couldn't feel lower. One name entered his mind. Misty. What had he done?

After persuading Velvet that he really did need to leave, he makes tracks to his car, racing the clock now. He felt like he was going to be sick. How could something he did feel so good one moment, and the next make him feel like the lowest being on the planet? He'd messed up once before with Misty...how could he have done it a second time? And...what would happen now?

Gritting his teeth, Carson opts to not even think about it right now. He didn't have the time or energy. Stopping only to fill his car with gas and grab a cup of coffee, he heads straight to work. If he took the time to go home, he would be at least a half an hour later. He knew he smelled like cigarette smoke and perfume, but an hour in the kitchen with grease and sweat, it would wear off quickly. He hadn't shaved, but that would have to wait. As far as his mood went...he still felt sick, a slight hangover gave him a headache, and he felt downright cruddy.

Getting to Mom and Pop's, he makes his way inside quickly, barely greeting Aerith and Mabel before heading straight to the kitchen. His baseball cap hiding half his face, he dons an apron quickly and looks to Herb. "Sorry I'm late, Herb. Long story." Glancing around to get his bearings he starts to pitch in. It doesn't go well. He can't concentrate on enough to do anything right it seems, and the more he gets wrong, the more his frustrations grow. And the more his frustrations grow, the more irritated he gets. And the more irritated he gets ,the more it becomes a form of hate towards himself and his actions. It had all happened so fast...but the consequences could last forever if not handled the right way. The thought didn't cross his mind that Misty had told him the day before that she'd come in to Mom and Pop's for lunch today.

Mr. Hope

And so once gain time passes. Like grains of sand in an hour glass they slip from ones grasps. Not being able to stop them, or catch them they move slowly to there destination to be forgotten.

*As the night draws to an end Katie sits on her bed the photo album from Mick and Rosetta's wedding layed out in front of her once more. Most of her night since she got her memories back had been spend this way. She still felt like things were missing, the feelings the pictures implied, they were still missing replaced with others that just simply went true anymore. Katie's heart had found the love for Jason once and yet these pictures showed a love for Scott that was pure and true she loved him as well. The turmoil that had gone away was now back and the though of breaking someones heart that she cared for so deeply made her sick. Katie wasn't sure how to think or how to act. Her heart still ached, and depression made itself known.*


*As Misty lays awake in bed she cant help but twist and turn. Sleep seemed to come as a problem tonight. Every little noise waked her. She felt restless, and uncomfortable. Like tonight she felt more alone than any other night. Why she wasn't sure, every night she came home along to her apartment, and felt safe but over the last few weeks it just didn't feel the same. Nothing really did. Carson had been destine but not like he had been in the past. She still spent time with him, and he didn't hide where he was going at night. It was hard to read him this time around. He acted different yet like himself at the same time. Misty could tell he had started smoking again and though it didn't bother her to much she couldn't help but take that into consideration that maybe these new friends were not so good for Carson. Yet she never said a word about it except that the smokes were going to kill him. Who was she to criticize how he spent his free time as long as he wasn't in trouble.

Staring up at the ceiling Misty just stairs into the dark. She only hoped Carson cared enough not to do anything stupid. Faith is what she had in him, what she promised him she would give him. She had to stick by her word and do just so. Carson was everything to her and if giving him the faith he wanted would help him grow than so be it.

Rolling over Misty closes her eyes. Seven o'clock would come early she need at leats some sleep. Feeling Romeo and Juliet at her feel Misty trys to convince herself everything is ok untill finally though note peaceful she falls asleep.*

*Jess lets out a shrill laugh as Peter puts his arms around her once again and draws her in for a kiss again. It would seem this week was an on again week. Over the last few weeks it had been obvious they went back and forth, dating than not dating to dating again. Sometimes the reason for the break up was stupid and made no sense but who was to argue.

Pulling away from Peter again Jess throws him a grin and than looks to Velvet.*

"You better stop picking on him, I can't take you home tonight I have planes of my own."

*Peter gets a cheesy grin on his face as Jess slaps him.*

"Not that you idiot."

*Frowning Peter picks up his hand and looks at Carson.*

"See what I have to deal with. She gets my hopes up and than shoots me down every time."

*Shaking her head Jess lets out a sigh and takes the last sip of her beer. Giving a laugh to Velvet at her comment about where Carson works.*

"I think someone did snatch him up Velvet...his girlfriend."

*Peter looks to Jess and than to Carson.*

"Heyyyy, there ish nothing wrong with having someone alse on the side once and a while you know."

*Jess looks at Peter and quirks and eyebrow.*

"Oh really and do you like by that to Mr. Hope?"

*Peter cringes for a moment at Jess comment and than stratens.*

"Nope, your the only one for me."

*Jess laughs as she throws her hand down on the table.*

"Yeah, I'll believe that one with pigs fly."

*Looking back to Velvet she scoffs.*

"He's all yours I have enough problems!"

Weeks pass

At Misty's request for him to be safe, for a split moment, Carson could feel his guilt for being here again. But he quickly pushes it aside, convincing himself that he was fine and doing nothing wrong. He was just hanging out and relaxing. "Alright. Night."

Ending the call, he lifts an eyebrow at Peter's comment, an ever-so-slight grin quirking the corner of his mouth. "I don't have any old ladies."

Not letting that conversation go any further, he looks to Jess. "Of course I'm ready. Deal 'em out."


Days. They drag by, fly by, but never seem to go at the same pace twice. It never seems fair. One can always try to manipulate the speed of days that pass, but it never works. One must live with the passage that is dealt to them and accept the speed at which the hours tick by.


Jason sits at his desk, going over the paperwork Reese had given him earlier in the day. He was working late. He hadn't really wanted to, but Camryn had told him she couldn't do anything with him tonight...again...so he was stuck with the choice of staying here or just going home. Neither thought was too appealing, but he'd opted for work.

The last couple weeks had been full of days he wished hadn't existed. But they'd come anyway. Days had been full of too much thinking...too much awkward interaction.

Katie's memory had returned in full force and it had been several days of staying home before she'd been able to return to work. Though welcomed back with smiles and hugs, Jason could sense that tension still remained. Despite her remembering everything, she and Scott were still no longer engaged, and that in itself was something to create awkwardness.

Scott himself had appeared to have perfected the art of hibernating in his office. He only emerged when called to someone else's computer to fix a problem, and otherwise stayed quiet and alone.

Jason himself had not been happy with the work Reese had been giving him, but Rick had yet to sign the release for him to get back out to work. Jason had kept his mouth shut to everyone but Rick about the shots he'd been receiving for the pain in his knee, but he knew that if he stayed on those meds long enough, pretty soon they would do no good. After that, he didn't know what he'd do, but the last thing he wanted was for Rick to ground him permanently. For the first time, he got a glimpse of what Con had perhaps felt, knowing that he'd never be allowed on outside cases again. It wasn't something Jason wanted to think about, so he didn't.

Things with Camryn had been strangely tense as well, creating even more turmoil within Jason. They'd spent a lot of good times together the last couple weeks, but there were just so many things that were going unsaid... that were going undiscussed. Whenever Jason mentioned Katie, it was like pouring a bucket of ice water on whatever conversation they'd been having. He knew Camryn liked Katie, so he couldn't quiet understand what the problem was, but she was unwilling to talk about it. He could only hope that it was a simply bump in the road that would easily be overcome.


Carson downs a shot of whiskey and unfolds the cards in his hand, wincing a little as the hard liquor slides down his throat. This time the cards seemed to be in his favor. He hadn't had the best of luck tonight - maybe that was changing.

An elbow taps his arm and Velvet squints at him. "You did realize it's your turn."

Carson gives her a sidelong glance. "You did realize I was paying attention." He takes his turn and elbows her back. "Quit picking on me."

"Or what?"

"Or I won't take you home like I said I would."

Velvet smirks at him. "Thanks a lot. First Sean dumps me and now you."

"You said his car broke down after he dropped you off."

"Well it did..." Velvet grins. "But that doesn't mean I can't give him a bad time about it."

Carson rolls his eyes and goes back to his half-drunk beer, settling back into his chair. Surrounded by Velvet, Jess, and Peter once more, he felt comfortable. Almost every night had been spend back at the Bullseye, and he'd gotten used to being with this group. Still working, and still doing plenty of things with Misty, he reserved the drinking and card games for late nights. Every once in a while his conscience would knock at the door, but he was quick to remind himself that he felt wanted here...accepted. Sure, he had Mom and Pop's, and he had Misty...but this was one place outside of that small world that he enjoyed. He felt a part of something again...and having tasted that world once again, he couldn't resist coming back. Maybe he'd been drinking a little too much lately...and maybe it wasn't a good thing that he'd picked up smoking again...and maybe he flirted a little too much with Velvet...but why did he have to begrudge himself all pleasures?

"Helloooo." Velvet waves a hand in front of his face. "Earth to Carson. Where's your mind tonight?"

Carson grins and takes his turn. "Quit picking on me. I had a long day."

"I bet. Cleaning dishes or what?"

"And cooking," Carson retorts.

"Mm, I see." Velvet rolls her eyes and looks to Jess. "He cleans dishes and cooks. Someone better snatch him up before it's too late."

Spasm

*Misty gives a nod of her head though Carson can't see her. She tryed to keep her own ramped thoughts under control. So Carson was at a bar, she couldn't stop him, he was his own person and should could only show the trust she had in him.

As the conversation starts to come to a close Misty gives a small laugh and a smile shows through in her voice.*

"Ok Hun, I know I am not your keeper but just be safe alright? I'll see you tomorrow. Nite.'

*Misty hangs up the phone and starts her car. Turning her music up she heads out of TJY and home for the night.*

*Pete looks to Carson as he ends his phone conversation. Her mouth giving a crooked grin as he takes a sip from his drink.*

"Was the your old lady or something?"

*In a split second Pete winces and whips his head around to Jess.*

"Ouch what was that for?"

*Jess gives a shrug as she looks over her hand again.*

"Sorry muscle spasm."

*Jess looks up over her cards and gives a grin to Pete and than looks back to Carson.*

"Ok we ready to play now without any interruptions or what?"

lost hand

Carson's concentration continues to be split between his phone conversation and the card game as he listens to Misty.

"Naw, not really. Just hanging out down at the Bullseye and got in a card game. Figured I wouldn't stay too late though, because it was a busy day at work. Herb had me working like a dog."

Receiving Jess' question, he doesn't show the bit of annoyance he feels, and takes his turn again, trying to end his call.

"That was just someone here. Listen, Babe, I gotta go or they're gonna throw me out of the game." He chuckles a little. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright?"

Grimacing at the game, he throws down his cards as a lost hand.