Definition

Scott gives Katie a little nod and watches her leave, suddenly alone in the silence once again. After a few moments, he lies down, letting his head sink into the pillow, and curling up on his side. Tears wanted to come, but he didn't let them. It would be fine...he would be fine... it was all just one big nightmare.

Closing his eyes tight, he tries to sleep, but it's hard, once Rick and Misty return and are working in the infirmary.


Jason rests his elbows on his desk and is staring off into space when he knows Katie is nearing his office.
Yeah, it's open, come on in.

He doesn't look up as she enters, his mind still a million miles away. And he'd thought things would finally settle down. They never did.
Eventually, he looks up to see Katie's face, and straightens to lean back in his chair. "I wish there was something I could do for Scott...there's so much he's lost. Last I knew, his house was about empty...he's got no car... and even his job is in question."

He shakes his head, and lets a pause linger. Finally though, he can't keep a lid on the question any longer.
Now that Scott is back...does it...change anything......

Jason's eyes search Katie's.
...between us?


Reese is a little surprised at Angelica's enthusiasm and her arm through his, but he doesn't resist. "Well alrighty then." Already there is a lighter tone to his voice. "We shall go wallow. I haven't been on a wallowing binge in years, and I think the greek restaurant downtown is the perfect place for that."

He leads Angelica back to his office where he can grab his own jacket and car keys before heading back out. "Susanne, I'm going out for lunch I'll be back when I'm done wallowing."

Susanne looks up in confusion. "Sorry?"

"Wallowing." Reese gives a firm nod. "Trust me, it's not a pretty sight. You don't want to join us."

Susanne quirks an eyebrow. "Sounds like an excuse for a date."

Reese simply shrugs. "Could be. But then you wouldn't blame me, now would you?"

Susanne throws him a smirk, and gives Angelica a knowing look. "While you're out, get this guy some help, would you?"

Change

*Katie gives Scott a smile though her own bit of sadness sinks in. Things probley would never be the same for Scott, maybe in time but they would never truly be the same.*

"You know Scott things might not be the same again but this is a chanse to start new. I know its gonna take time but there are so many people here who are willing to help you through. God has a plan in all this even if we can't see it yet."

*Katie's own head jerks up at Wyatt's voice. The lack of sleep had made Katie jumpy herself. Giving a smile Katie was glad Wyatt came to see Scott. He needed everyone he possable could get to come and see him and make him feel comfortable. Once Wyatt leaves Katie just stairs at the door for a long moment thinking about what Scott had asked about his job and what was really going to happen. Bring herself back though Katie gives a small chuckle.*

"Well I guess I better get back to work or my hind end is gonna be in trouble. If you need anything don't hesatate to give me a yell ok Scotty. I'll be back to see ya soon."

*Giving Scott one last squeeze Katie stands and heads for the door making her way to Jason's office.*

*Angelica rolls her eyes as she finish putting her papers back on the desk and than stands to grab her jacket. *

"Well my sister told me she use to tell Bret "Wallowing alone is always better when you have someone alse by your side." I never really liked wallowing with others but ove the last week I've had some stuff braught to my attachen and I am trying to change a few things. So Mike, lunch it is."

*Giving a smile Angelica links her arm with Mike's though the look behind her eyes that not many could see shows just how nervouse and leary she was but trying was the first step for her and it could only go on from there.*

"Sure."

Scott doesn't return Katie's hug, but doesn't resist either, just resting his head against her for a moment. It was a comfort...in this darkness, it was a comfort.

Straightening a little again, he tries to refocus. "Hulk, huh? Seems like I saw him in the van on the way back here...big guy, right?"

He pauses, still not looking Katie in the eye, but thinking. "Rick said y'all got my goodbye message." He manages a rueful grin. "Not ever day a guy manages to say all that...then show back up again." He rolls his eyes.

Growing quiet again, he finally looks up at Katie's face. "I want things to be normal but...they're just not going to be the same, are they?" The look in his eye proves that though he hasn't been awake long, he's already thought through a lot, coming to many realizations. His job...his house... his car... It had been two months... it was only reasonable that his belongings had already been gone through and kept, sold or thrown away. He was going to have to start from scratch and despite a fog hanging over him, that was one reality that he knew.

Scott looks down again. "Yeah... well... guess a guy in my position needs to be thankful that I'm alive at all. Rick wants me here for a while anyway so I guess..." His voice trails off. "I don't know what I'm trying to say."

He rubs a sore spot on his hand, only now realizing how thin his hands had become.

"Hey hey hey!"

Scott's head jerks up again, spotting Wyatt in the doorway. A faint smile creeps out. "Wyatt."

"Boy am I glad to see you." Wyatt comes over slowly, throwing a wink at Katie, glad that she was already there with Scott. "How ya feeling?"

"Oh...Doc says I'll live."

Wyatt grins. "That would be a mighty good thing. We don't need anymore of this dying stuff around here."

"Mm...if you all missed me that much, maybe I should start taking advantage of it."

Wyatt laughs. "Now don't go overboard. But welcome back...it's good to have you back, Scott."

Scott swallows hard, resisting his emotions. "Yeah... what's your dad going to do with me now?"

Wyatt looks to Katie for a moment with a quirked eyebrow, not having expected that question just yet. But it was evident that Scott had already been thinking about a lot. "What's he ever done with you, Scott?"

Scott almost grins. "Given me a kick in the seat and told me to get to work."

"Good to see you haven't lost your memory," Wyatt teases. He knew he hadn't answered Scott's question in the least, but he wasn't about to admit the phone conversation he'd overheard just a while ago. There was no way he was going to tell Scott that Carter didn't want two tech guys on staff, and that Dalton was staying. "I gotta run down to the courthouse, but I'll be back later... get some rest, and when Rick lets you out of here, we're going to have a welcome home party for you, TJY style."

An actual grin seeps through on Scott's face. "Alright. I'll look forward to it."

"Good. I'll see you later then." He turns to leave, calling over his shoulder. "Oh, and Kat, Reese wants us to go over those files from the McRyan case."

Scott watches his friend leave before glancing back to Katie. "Guess you better get back to work too, huh?"


Reese cringes and turns around just as he gets to Angelica's door. He gives her a look of tired apology, knowing that his actions had been totally inappropriate. "Sorry, sorry...I just got off the phone with Carter and..." His shoulders drop. It was no excuse.

"Lunch sounds great. I need to get out of here. But if you can't stand my company today, just tell me and I'll go sit in some corner somewhere and be miserable by myself."


"I don't know what to do..." Austin sips his tea slowly, enjoying the warmth of the kitchen. There was a bitter wind blowing today, and walking from the ranch to Wes and Cindy's had been cold. Austin didn't normally drink hot tea, but today it felt good.

Cindy looks across the table at him, pursing her lips in thought. It was rare that Austin visited, especially just to talk. She could remember few times actually sitting down and conversing with him, without it having to do with a case at TJY, the past, or anything related to business. Today though...today he'd apparently just needed someone to talk to.

Wes was at the shop, so it was quiet in the house today. Kaylee was sleeping soundly, and Cindy did enjoy the company. But what could she tell Austin? What could she really say in response to what he'd told her? "Well..." She moves her own tea cup in her hands, soaking up the warmth. "I don't know either, Austin. I think this has been building for a long time."

"I know." Austin looks down at the wood grain in the table. "I guess it was always just work with me wasn't it?"

Cindy nods slowly. "Yes...it was. I think at first there was more there, when Jason was younger. But he was going through such a hard time that he wasn't accepting much compassion."

"True." Austin reflects on so many years ago when he'd found that scared little boy who had been trapped for over a year. When he'd found out it had been his own grandson, he hadn't known how to respond... hadn't known what to do. He'd tried to be a friend to the boy, but he'd felt so awkward. "Maybe I gave up."

Cindy's eyes show their own compassion. "Maybe you did. Once you recruited Jason to work for TJY, that was it... there were no more days in the park... no more outings as a family or even with just the two of you... no more vacations... It was all just work." She gives a little sigh, remembering, and wondering for the hundredth time if she'd been wrong to let Jason become so involved with TJY so soon. "All Jason did then was school and TJY. Learning how to fight...learning how to shoot... he picked everything up so quickly that I know you and Reese and Carter wanted him there as an agent. But that's the same time he dropped 'grandpa' and started calling you Austin. His childhood had been destroyed by Alex...and anything that was left of it, faded more and more, each day he was at TJY."

Austin takes another sip of tea. He'd seen it...he'd known it... "Was I slefish?"

"Probably." Cindy didn't want to be mean, but she needed to speak the truth. "But so was I. I wanted to see my son happy. I wanted for me to feel good about him and his upbringing, and maybe wanting that so badly, I overlooked what he really needed."

She pauses, a tear coming to her eye. "When he came back from Alex, he wasn't my little Jason anymore. His spirit had been broken, and there were thinsg he'd experienced that I would never understand...to this day I know there are things he hasn't told me about. I got Jason back, but my little boy was gone. At ten years old, he was a young man with the world on his shoulders, and who had so much hurt that he wouldn't let anyone in anymore. And he fooled us, Austin. I think he fooled both of us into thinking that he was fine...he was alright...he could still be normal. But you and I know today that that's not true. It's evident through his flashbacks. Sometimes I wish I could go back...and be a better mother."

Austin moves his hand across the table to take Cindy's. "Don't say that. You were the best mother Jason ever could have had. It wasn't your fault things turned out like they did."

Cindy sniffs and gives his hand a squeeze before withdrawing to grab a tissue. "Oh, I suppose I know that. But there are days I miss my little boy...I miss that innocent smile... that sparkle in his eye that never came back after Alex."

Austin is quiet for several minutes, thinking back...remembering. He sighs deeply. "So then I threw him into TJY and made a soldier out of him. I had hopes of him and me being a team, ya know..."

"You were for a while."

"Yeah...him and me and Con mostly." He chuckles. "Con was good for him. But then we came here... He'd already gotten so hard and cold, and his cocky air was the only thing that helped me see he was still a human, not a machine. But I just thought it was his personality...just his character, not a mask. But I was wrong. And once he was here and everything fell apart, our relationship just grew further and further apart. And now...now he won't even speak to me."

Cindy shakes her head sadly. "I'm sorry, Austin. Has he said why?"

"Not really. I got him on the phone last night, just by telling Susanne not to tell him it was me. He made a comment about me not caring about individual lives, then hung up on me."

"And you don't think this thing with Scott affected him?"

Austin grows quiet again before stating with emphasis, "I was making the best decision for TJY... I was acting on the truths that I had tried teaching him... not to mention, Carter agreed. But Jason just doesn't seem to want to listen. He doesn't care that Carter and I did what we felt was best." He hits the table lightly with his hand. "Sometimes you just have to obey orders no matter what. But he's taking this whole thing personally, and blaming me for it."

"He's not a robot, Austin." Cindy tries to get him to see, her words remaining soft. "Scott was his friend."

"It shouldn't have mattered. There was good reason Carter and I didn't want a rescue team going out."

"Well Reese has more authority than you do."

Austin looks up quickly, catching Cindy's eye.

She hesitates. "...doesn't he?"

Austin takes a sip of tea instead of answering her. "I just wish I had a relationshp with my grandson and...I feel like I missed my chance."

"Well you're not going to get him back by pulling rank." Cindy stands up, taking her cup to the sink. "I don't know what's going on with him, or what's going through his mind. But getting upset with him will only make it worse. I'm sorry things turned out like they did... Jason's had the cards stacked against him his whole life. But you shouldn't give up...just give it some more time."

"Time is what seemed to push us apart in the first place."

"And you think God can't heal your relationship?


"...so then I figured I'd just keep right on going!"

A round of laughter fills the air at Mom and Pop's, coming from the small group in the corner. Carson looks up from drying some glasses behind the counter and sees the same people that had been in here every week now for at least a month. He knew Phil and Jen, and recognized the faces of Rocky, Taylor and Axel. He'd figured out after the first couple weeks that they were reading the Bible together. It seemed strange though...they always appeared to be having a lot of fun. Sometimes it looked like they were being pretty serious, but they always left with smiles.

Carson himself had been through the New Testament Jen gave him twice now, and though not having asked anyone about it yet, there were lingering questions in the back of his mind. A strange yearning had cropped up...one he hadn't expected...one that wanted to learn more about this...who wanted to understand better the words he'd read.

Setting his towel down, Carson grabs a pad and paper, heading over to the table. Aerith was on break at the moment. It didn't matter much though. He was pretty sure he didn't even need the pad today.

Approaching the table, he finds Jen's face and gives her a smile that's returned. The group had been there for half an hour. They were always ready to order at the same time every week. "Alright, we got a medium pizza with pepperoni, olives, onions and mushrooms for Phil and Rocky, Jen wants chicken scampi, Taylor wants the same but with no peppers, and..." Carson fishes for the final name. "Axel. You having the seafood alfredo?"

Axel grins up at him. "I wondered how long it would be before you memorized our orders."

Carson chuckles. "Took three weeks. I just kept expecting you to get out of your box after that, but no one did."

Jen laughs. "We're creatures of habit, Carson."

"So I see. Need more tea?"

"Yes, please."

Carson picks up Jen's glass. "Right. Be back with your food shortly."

Axel watches Carson leave, his eyes following him all the way to the kitchen.

It doesn't take long for everything to be ready and Carson makes two trips to bring out the food. "Alright. Everybody set?"

"Nope." Axel gestures to an empty chair. "We're missing something."

Carson furrows his brow. "What?"

"We're missing someone to join us."

Carson lifts his eyebrows in surprise, not sure how to respond.

Axel points to the chair again. "Take a load off. We're in Philippians."

"I..." Carson looks to Jen for help, but receives nothing, having to stand on his own for this one. "Sorry. Got work to do."

"There's only one other table and they already have their food," Axel points out. "Aerith has been off the floor for twenty-seven minutes, which means she'll be back in three. And if you ask Herb, I guarantee he'll let you take your break early. Not to mention, Phil and Rocky are dying to share their pizza."

Expecting a teasing complaint from the other two, Carson looks to them, but instead, Phil holds up a slice. "We always have a couple slices leftover. You know that."

"But I..."

Axel sets his fork down and rolls his eyes, pulling out the chair himself. "Unless you're afraid of learning something, sit. Rocky, finish reading that, will you?"

Rocky wipes his mouth with a napkin and waits to swallow his food before looking down at his Bible again. "I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead..."

Carson slowly lowers himself into the extra chair, intrigue keeping him here. It felt a little strange.... he was the oldest person here, yet they all knew more about this kind of thing than he did. Listening to Rocky read though, his questions resurfaced and he couldn't help but stay.

Axel casually pushes his own Bible towards Carson so he can read along, and Carson finds himself leaning over a little more so he could see.

Jen watches him out the corner of her eye, a small smile at the corner of her mouth. Glancing up once, she catches Axel's eye that winks back at her...


"...so the past...doesn't matter?"

"It matters because it's something that can't change," Phil shrugs. "But the bottom line is no... God doesn't care what the past looks like. He looks at the now...He looks at hearts and potential...not past mistakes."

Carson cocks his head, leaning back in his chair, his arms folded across his chest. At first, he'd thought some of his questions might seem stupid to the others, but no one ever seemed to think so, and even they had had questions too. The reading and discussion had been different...almost fun. "I..." Carson lets his next statement drift off as he suddenly sees the clock on the wall. "Oh, no." He rises quickly from his chair. He'd been sitting there for over forty-five minutes and hadn't even realized it. "I gotta get back to work you guys." He reaches for empty plates and glasses, clearing the table for them. "Thanks...for inviting me."

He's just turning, when Jen stops him. "See you next week?"

Carson pauses and looks back at the table again, hesitating, but finding himself saying something he thought he never would. "Sure." Hurrying, he heads back to the kitchen, dumping the dishes in the sink. "Sorry Herb," he calls out. "I'll work late tonight." He reaches for the water sprayer and groans. He had a date with Jess tonight. Now he'd have to break it off...again. Last time, he'd had to work late because he'd gotten in late again in the morning.... and the time before that, he'd had to work late because he'd taken extra time at lunch to do laundry. He couldn't do it to her again...but how could he not?

Just because

* Yeah I will be by later to talk with ya J. It's ok non of us really know how to tred right now. You did fine.

Katie continues to pay attachen to Scott. Her heart going out to him. She new it was hard for him to talk about this, she new it was hard for him to see the images. Katie had seen Jason through enough that she could only imagen Scott might be going through the same.

Before Katie can even think of what she is doing but only wanting to help her friend in pain she moves on the bed slightly so she is next to Scott and puts a comfortaing arm around his shoulder pulling him gently close to her to offer the most comfort and protection for her friend she could.*

"Us dead, it take alot more to keep us down Scotty."

*Kaite rests her own head ontop of Scott's a slight tear of her own trickling down her face. The pain Scott felt, it hurt. The pain her friend held inside and was now going to try and conquer how it made her own heart Ack, and knowing she could do nothing to take it away but be a friend hurt even more.*

"It's gonne be ok Scotty, we are all here for you."

*Continuing to hold Scott for a moment longer Katie keeps her head on top of his till finally she lets out a small sigh and losens her grip from around Scott. Trying to change the subject again for Scott's sake.*

"Dalton, he's ok. At least people arnt freaking out that there computers are not working right. He wasnt you though. We like to call him Hulk. I think once you get to know him he isnt as hard as he seems. I think you will like him."

*As Reese barges into Angelica's office she shoot her head up from the paper work she was looking at. Only to receve the other paper work thrown down on her desk sending paper flying onto the floor. Blinking for a moment a bit of irratation rises.*

"Just because your angry at other things dosnt mean you can barge in here and throw stuff around. I do have other work to do as well."

*Angelica removes her glasses and places them on the top of her head letting out another sigh and grumbaling for a moment before pushing her chair back and bending down to pick up her papers.*

"So now that thats said, would you like to talk over lunch?"