Shouldn't have

"I deserve a fate worse than this." Gunner continues to look down, seeming to withdraw slightly. He was cold, and had never felt such misery. It was even worse than when he had discovered he had lost all memory of his life.

At the mention of Hope giving him dry clothes, he stands up abruptly, the towel dropping onto the chair. "I shouldn't have come," he mumbles. Turning too quickly, his hand catches the cup of tea, sending it sprawling across the table and onto the floor, making a mess.

He gives a little jump, heat rising to his face, even though he was still cold. "I'm sorry."

Kneeling down to try and mop up some of the tea with a napkin, his eyes suddenly burn. Just like the tea was splattered across the floor, he felt his life had been driven into a thousand directions, a mess he felt no one could clean up. His breath catches in his throat, helplessness driving the motion of his hands. But even when there is no puddle of tea left, he still wipes the floor.


Jeff manages a light chuckle and he squeezes Katie's hand, his eyes falling shut again. "She was... like you. Her eyes were gray blue like a moonlit pond... her heart was as big as the sun."

His voice is weak and hoarse, but he continues anyway. "She loved life... and loved me, though I never knew why. She loved roses and dreamed of a house in the country where... where she could plant rows and rows of bushes."

A tear escapes his closed eye and falls to the pillow. "She couldn't wait to hold you."

My Mom

"Take a jump from that bridge and you will face a fate worse than whats your dealing with now. There is no mercy for those who take there life playing God for the day. Accidents happen, horrable as it was, it was still an accident and you never meant for what happened to happen. For that reason you have been shown mercy already even if you don't feel like you should have it."

Hope takes a sip of her tea as she thinks for a long moment not really saying anything. She could never imagine how Gunner felt.

"You want to talk about it? Sometimes that helps! I wasnt really tired anyways. I think I might even have some mens clothing that might fit you and I can dry those."

Holding Jeff's hand Katie gives a small smile even if it couldnt be seen in the dark. Her Dad was going to be ok he really was.

"Yes, your ok again. Rick found out what happened, and found a cure."

Giving Jeff's hand a gentil squeeze Katie is silent for a moment.

"Dad, what....what was my mom like? If..if you wanna talk about this later we can I just thinking a lot about it."

Tomorrow instead

Gunner accepts the towel numbly, remaining quiet, even as he's ushered into the kitchen. Sitting down, he just stares at the table for the longest time. He focuses on the cup of tea, his hair dripping down onto the table, creating mini puddles that reflect the kitchen light. He didn't even seem to hear Hope speaking.

Still shivering a little, he gradually dries his face a little with the towel and wraps his hands around the teacup to warm his palms. He stares down into the liquid, completely lost in another world.

He still refuses to look up and meet Hope's gaze. Though finally, he takes a small sip of tea, but withdraws quickly as it's still too hot. "I could burn my mouth a thousand times and still have a debt to pay. I've sought my past for over half my life. And all to come to the truth... that the ghost has been me all along. A murderer hidden behind the mirror." He didn't want to speak of it, but somehow it felt as if he had to. "It was my fault...an accident 'cause of an argument I can't even remember. But it was my fault."

Gunner grits his teeth against his feelings. He understood Hope's analogy, but his depression was too deep to apply it. "At least if I'da found a real bridge, I could have jumped." He braves another sip of tea. "Maybe that's for tomorrow instead."


Jeff slides his hand from under the blanket to find Katie's hand. "I just... thought I was alone. I felt... but I didn't feet. It's not right... but... it is."

He licks his dry lips. "I don't understand... am I okay again?"

Differnt

And though night had come many people's minds were far from rest. The findings and events from the day weaghed heavy, leaving some to wonder what would happen next.

In a jeep parked outside a small light was on, the figured that had slept there many times before becoming use to it. But tonight sleep was far from her mind as Alice's paper layed in her lap and her hands folded on top.

"Lord, if this is the path you want Kyle to take give him the courage, and strength to do so. He has so much going for him that he cant even see. Just show him the path a little more clearly."

More prayers went up as the time dragged on. But as the minutes ticked Alice didn't mind. Her quiet time was always nice and helped her stay at peace.

Sitting in a chair across the quiet room Katie nods in and out of sleep. Her nerves were shot, her emotions ran wild with so many thing but now as they started to calm sleep was sinking in, and Katie was exhausted. Jason was sure to be fast asleep by now a few bunks down and just knowing he was near helped her be even more at peace.

Thinking her hears her name Katie sits up a little straighter just waiting wondering if she would hear it again or if it was just her mind from her groggy state. Hearing it again and knowing it was Jeff's Katie stands making her way over to his bed sitting down once more on the edge.

"I'm here Dad, are you ok?"

Sitting in the living room her cup of tea almost gone and Hope could feel herself starting to get a little sleepy. Standing to go into the kitchen Hope hears the door and stops. Looking at the wall clock she takes note to the time. It was late and she was a bit hesitant to answer the door but people never came to her house this late it could be an emergency.

Opening the door and seeing Gunner standing there Hope is taking back for a moment but recovers quickly. Hearing his words and seeing the look in his eyes Hope new, it was not time.

"Gunner, come in come in out of the cold before you catch a chill."

Ushering him into the house Hope directs him to the kitchen where she sits him down before disappearing and than coming back with a towel to wrap around him and he could use to dry himself off a little.

Going to the stove where the tea pot was still hot she makes up a cup of tea for Gunner, and than another for herself bringing it to him and giving a smile.

"Drink this so you dont get sick."

Taking her own cup in hand Hope goes back to the table and sits down as well. She wanted to ask what was wrong but she would wait for a moment.

"You know that makes sence. Sometimes people say I am a bridge. Bring them from one place, to the next. Its just a differnt aspect."

Bridge

Kyle swallows hard and reaches over, taking Hope's hand in his. He looks into her eyes, emotion filling his own. "I... I don't know if I can do this. But... you're right. Prayer's the only way I'll ever know what I'm supposed to do. I just wish I knew what God wanted from me."

He sighs, but gives her hand a squeeze. "I don't know what I'd do without my shadow." A little grin surfaces. "I feel like that cartoon of Peter Pan where he wants to stick his shadow back on... except I don't need to... 'cause you're always here."

He can't help the love that shone in his gaze. "Thank you."


"Yeah, yeah...." Gunner waves Hope off. "You want to help alright," he mumbles as she walks away. "You and Reese."

Looking back to his computer, he tries to concentrate, but its very hard. All he can see is that red truck. All he can hear are the sounds from his nightmare. For one of the first times, he felt on the verge of being out of control, and he didn't even really know why.


Rick nods and moves from the small table to the bedside instead. "Yeah... let me see how he's doing."

"Be nice if... y'all... talked as if I were here," Jeff mutters weakly.

Rick chuckles. "Your sense of humor is in tact. That's a good thing."

The exam is brief and Rick suggests that Jeff be left alone to rest for a while. For now, he was stable. All they could do was wait. Hooked up to an iv, it doesn't take Jeff long to fall asleep, this time peacefully. He doesn't even wake when others come and go later on to check on him, or to spend the night in the small room...


"K...Katie?" Jeff mumbles groggily, trying to get his eyes to focus in the dark bunkhouse. He knew it was sometime in the middle of the night, but didn't know the hour. "Katie?" he asks a little louder. Though feeling physically alright for the circumstances, mentally, he felt dizzy. Nothing seemed quite real. His emotions felt... strange. "Katie are... are you still here?"


Gunner sits bolt upright in bed, sweat pouring down the sides of his face. His own scream shatters the silence in his apartment. Covering his face with his hands, he rocks back and forth, trying to rid his mind of the horrific images.

It had been his nightmare again... but this time, for the first time in over twelve years, he had seen more - much more. He'd seen his parents' faces... he had heard their voices. And he had heard his own voice, arguing with his father. They'd been driving down the dark road, the streetlights flashing in the windows. Voices had gotten louder and louder. Gunner had been dead set on whatever his point was, and he hadn't given up, even when his mother had tried to stop the fight. One last word, one more smart remark, and Gunner's father had turned around in his seat to respond. The crash of glass and metal reverberated in Gunner's ears before everything went black.

"No!" Gunner's fist slams into his mattress. "No!" It couldn't be true. It couldn't be. No...his parents couldn't have died because of him... it wasn't possible. He'd spent all his life looking for the culprit... all his life...

He raises eyes to stare across the room and he sees himself in the mirror. A horror fills his veins like never before.

It had been him.


...It was hours later. A steady rain was pouring down, and thunder rumbled in the clouds. Gunner walks numbly up the path to the porch, soaked to the bone, cold and shivering as rain runs down his face. He had walked. He didn't even know how long it had taken him.

Once reaching the door, his finger hovers over the doorbell, but he stops, turning back around. Another turn makes him face the door again. Finally pushing the bell, his hand shakes from the cold. It was late... very late. He knew he was waking up Hope. But it just didn't seem to matter at this point.

When the door eventually opens, he stares at her, searching her eyes. He swallows hard, finding it very hard to overcome his pride.

"I... um..." He stops again, feeling heat in his face through the cold. "I went looking for a bridge."

He shrugs lamely. "I...don't know why I came here instead."

Pray

Hope gives a thoughtful moment of silence as she thinks about what Gunner had said. He had found something and from the looks of it, it might be something big. At least to him anyways it was and from his reaction if made her a little worryed.

"Its only lonely if you let it be. I'll be around still doing up some reports if you need me Gunner. I just want to be able to help."

Giving a smile and a little salute Hope turns and makes her way once again back to her makeshift desk. Along, out of place it was different but in a way she new how Gunner felt.

Giving a knowing nod Katie thought that maybe she had understood. Accepting death, knowing it was going to happen, being so close and than being pulled back it was a feeling that was unlike anyother.

"I...I think I know how you feel bad. I've been there, and its a confusing feeling. But I am happy that I get more time with you too. "

Looking to Jason and giving a smile Katie's face lights up, and than she looks to Rick shifting just a little.

"You need to check him over and make sure everything is ok?"

Sitting with Kyle Alice was in the middle on a small chuckle. The air as of the last few days had been thick as designations were being made, goodbyes were said and home looked to be around the corner. She new Kyle wasnt ready, but there really was no where else to go from here. Though she would just about follow him anywhere.

Opening her mouth to say something Alice closes it again as the gentlemen walks over to the table looking for Kyle. Just looking up at the man and gives a smile Alice exstends her hand to return the handshake.

Just listing to what Erik had to say Alice was a bit surprised. Not by what he thought of Kyle or that he read her magazine but that he had been there that day and had herd Kyle playing. Alice new Kyle more than likly was feeling a bit awkward with this whole thing and she couldn't help but understand why.

Giving a nod to Kyle and a small smile to let him know she was here Alice was silent as she just let the two men talk with holding her comments for now. She would wait till Erik was gone before she sheared what she though.

Finally watching Erik walk away Alice was silent for a moment as she let Kyle's question linger. But than turning to him again Alice gives a thoughtful nod.

"I believe you were just given an offer that wont lead you home yet."

Alice's eyes sparkled with excitement for Kyle. God always had a reason and maybe, just maybe this WAS his way of leading Kyle home.

"Pray about it Kyle. If this is what God wants than you CAN do it. You passion is music still I know it. I can see it in your eye Kyle. Never say never or you cant to God. Pray, and I will pray for you too. No matter what your shadow will still follow you."