I still...

Carson leans into Misty without saying anything for a long while. He wasn’t used to receiving this kind of comfort…it was almost hard to accept it. He remembered right after he’d first known Misty and tried to take his own life…but that had been a different despair. This, tonight, was a deep sorrow…for the past…for things that had been done…for the things that he had done.

Finally straightening and moving back onto the bed, he pulls his legs up to sit Indian style, and pulls Misty up to sit curled sideways on his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he just holds her close, his own head buried in her shoulder.

The images from the nightmares still toyed with his mind, taunting him…torturing him. There were so many…he felt so trapped.

“No matter how far I go…” Carson’s voice is quiet and low. “No matter where I run, or what I do… what happened to my family… the things that I’ve done… they’ll always haunt me, won’t they.”

He keeps his face hidden. “I saw it all again…my family being gunned down…the looks on their faces.” He swallows hard, finding the difficulty in voicing these things. “And then making the choice to send my other sister away, knowing that she’d never know the truth… and that I’d never see her again…”

Carson takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, his shaking finally stopped. “I was her hero…her indestructible brother…her shelter from the bullies…”

Leaving his legs curled, he lets go of Misty and lays back to stare at the ceiling, letting her stay in his lap. “But I wasn’t who Dani saw…everyone always thought I was such a good kid, but…that was just because I didn’t get caught. Bad habits started in junior high already and just never let up. After my family died, I killed others for a living…I took their lives, whether as a sniper or as the final phase of the torture I’d put them through.”

Stopping for a moment, he can still hear the screams, and closes his eyes against them. “I was never a hero…I was just a coward…a hypocrite…I was one of them…a part of the Agency with no heart, out for my own gain.”

He furrows his brow, unsure of so many things. “Can I ever get away from that? Will I always be that man? Even now, look where I am…sure, it’s for a good cause, but I’m still running from the law…I still made my girl mad at me…I still yell and holler when I get mad and push people around…I still make stupid decisions so the people I care about start pulling away and I just keep hurting them.”


Scott cuddles Katie close as she leans her head on his shoulder, and he kisses her forehead. “Getting sleepy?”

Kyle grins at Katie’s request and settles back in his chair. “Bullfrog, eh?” He looks over to the bed where Jason is still propped up, Camryn sitting on the edge with her feet dangling. “You up to this Hotshot?”

“What?”

“You mean you can’t handle one word?”

Jason smirks at him. “Alright, fire away.”

Kyle laughs and begins strumming, and soon everyone is laughing again while Kyle and Jason take off with the song.

As the notes die down and chatter dwindles some, Scott looks down at Katie again, giving her a little squeeze. “Hey…You need to get home before you fall asleep right here. I’ll follow you to make sure you get there okay if you want.”

Jen smiles and reaches over to pat Phil’s arm. “I think it’s about time we wrapped things up.”

Phil nods in agreement and stands up to put his bass guitar back in its case. “I’m ‘bout bushed, come to think of it.”

Mike rises from his chair to start gathering up the leftover food and throw garbage away.

Jason stifles a yawn and settles his head back wearily, worn out from the evening’s activities. His knee was throbbing and his sides were sore. But he was happy to have had this time, and looks at the others as they start preparing to leave. “Thanks guys…I couldn’t have asked for a better cheering up party.”

Kyle chuckles as he puts away his guitar. “Like we didn’t enjoy this ourselves. You just get yourself out of here quick and get on your feet again, and we can do this somewhere other than an infirmary.”