Let me

Carson grits his teeth, the battle within himself raging. He stares at Misty as she talks, not surprised at her rash actions, though almost shuddering at the thought of what could have happened. And it was all because of him.

He feels as if he's being ripped in two. Never in his life had he witnessed what pain he could cause someone else by his own choices. Never in his life had he himself felt such pain as a consequence of those choices.

Life had always been a game to him...you win some, you lose some. You take what you can get, and as long as you're in control, that's what counts. TJY had thrown him for a loop, demonstrating that there was a whole different side to life...and Misty had thrown him for an even bigger loop as she'd actually become someone he cared about.

Misty had fallen in love with him...but what did Carson feel? All he could feel right now was anger...frustration...pain. He liked Misty...but had he led her on all this time? Had he really felt committed, even when he'd said he was? Had he really thought of her the way she did him? Searching his heart, Carson accepts the bitter facts. He'd never been dedicated to anything in his life. Though taking the side of TJY, it wasn't something he was passionate about. Though getting involved with Misty, he hadn't allowed her to be his world. There were too many barriers...too may callouses, and his actions the last two weeks proved it - he hadn't changed.

Looking Misty in the eye, emotions pool behind his own in the form of tears, though he refuses to let them surface. Her fire was gone...her sass dispersed. She was broken...and it was because of him. He would not allow this to go on.

Releasing her wrist, Carson takes a step back from her. "Let me go," he suggests, his voice edged with an emotional rasp. "You've been hurt enough." Building a firm wall to surround himself and cut himself off from feeling, he begins to back away. "It's over, Misty."

He keeps an eye on her for several steps before he finally turns around and heads back inside the hotel without looking back.


Carson trudges blindly down the hallway and stops as he reaches the familiar door. He sees the bloodstain on the carpet and his stomach churns. He finally opens the door and enters quietly.

Ashlyn looks up expectantly, not having moved from the bed. "What on earth is going on, Carson?"

He shakes his head and trudges forward to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning his elbows on his knees to rest his face in his hands.

Ashlyn crawls up behind him. "You're awfully tense today," she chides. Reaching out, she runs her hands over his shoulders. "Why don't you come back with me? Then you don't have to worry about this place anymore."

Ashlyn's touch automatically relaxes Carson's muscles. He straightens and turns to face her, searching her eyes. There was nothing there but a desire to get what she wanted...it mirrored the look he knew he'd given her since he'd known her. It was shallow...it was evidence that the seeker was after only one thing, and it had been proven to do nothing but hurt people. Carson was hurting others by doing these things, and he was hurting himself as well - the pain he felt was too great to deny it.

Ashlyn's eyes narrow as she flashes him an irresistible smile. "When are you going to realize you belong with me, Carson? Quit fighting it."

Misty. TJY. Family. Misty. TJY. Family. Misty...Carson's mind reeled. "No." His own words surprise him. "I'm through." He stands up, going to the dresser to pick up some of the items he'd left here.

"What?" Ashlyn gets up and goes to him. "What are you talking about?"

"What's it sound like?" Carson throws his belongings into his backpack. "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave town before someone gets a hold on you."

"Carson!" Ashlyn spins him around, her hands on his forearms. "You know you want to stay with me. You know you want to get back on the job." Her eyes flash with a seductive stare. "Don't make me use force."

Carson pauses his packing and stares back at her as he feels himself starting to lose the battle. Was it really worth the fight?



Dear Katie,

Happy birthday a little early...I wish I could be with you. We'll celebrate when I'm out of here, alright?

Thanks for letting me know about my mom and Wes. I wish I hadn't missed the wedding...you and I will have to take a road trip out there one of these days - maybe take my bike down, what do you say?

I'm doing alright in here, Kat... It's lonely and I miss you so much that some nights it just hurts. But seeing you gave me hope, and all I can do is wait. I don't know who is getting paid off here to keep me isolated, but I'm trying to figure it out. If I do, I'll let you know so you can relay it to Reese, or Lockheart...I'm assuming they're still on this case.

Tell everyone at TJY hi for me, and the band, too. I heard over the grapevine they had a good show last week - I'm glad they're moving forward without me.

Take care of yourself, Katie.

Hanging in and hanging on,
Jason