Not so good

Jason’s heart screams at him to return friendly words to Katie. Her encouragement, though met by a hard barrier did not go unheard. Like a river, they flowed into his very soul, finding the cracks and crevasses to seep into, gently, slowly nourishing his starving heart.

He wants to reply…he wants to say what he really felt underneath all of his anger and frustration, but his own words were chained within himself, crying out to be heard, but held back by that which he loathed the most.

Katie’s touch to his arm drives a longing within him that he was trying so desperately to snuff out. Her very presence clawed at his soul that he had buried, relentlessly digging for the truth…for his core…for him. But even he did not know where he was anymore…where he had gone…who had he become.

Jason stands, unable to speak, his eyes simply following Katie as she walks away. He saw the tear that runs down her cheek, and like a dagger, it stabs his heart. He had caused so much damage…so much pain…and he didn’t know how to make it right again. He didn’t know how…he just didn’t know how…

His eyes shift to Jen, who is looking at him with compassion. He had not spoken of the breakup with Katie to anyone here, but with one look, he realized that they all knew.

Jen’s eyes widen slightly and she cocks her head toward where Katie had gone. Her gesture speaks more than words can as she tries to prompt him to not leave things like this…not now…not before the show.

The other guys continue their work, slowly resuming their banter, purposely not concentrating on their two friends who displayed so much hurt.

Jason closes his eyes for a moment and turns, the battle so intense he could hardly stand it. How could this be happening…now? He needed to concentrate…he needed to get ready to be onstage. He couldn’t let this get to him. And yet…if he left things as they were right now, it would just be worse…

A familiar hand suddenly rests on Katie’s shoulder. Jason’s voice calm and low. The pain was there, the hurt was there. He would not open up the dam to let all flow out. But he couldn’t bear to see Katie crying. “I’m not so good,” he answers her original question with more honesty than he’d expressed in a long time. “But knowing you got my back…makes things a little better.”