Devastation

Trent can't feel any lower, and nods at Rosetta. "I know...if you guys don't want me here, I understand. I prepared for that."

His eyes suddenly raise as someone else enters the room. Seeing Angel, he's immediately on his feet, though Sparky moves with warning. Trent stares at Angel...her face...her eyes... Unwanted tears fill his own. He'd known she might still be here, but hadn't been sure.

Jeff sees Wes, and holds up his hand. "It's alright. We're just listening."

Trent breaks his gaze with Angel to look at Wes, then looks back at Angel again. Anything he can say seems so petty....so trite. "You're still here..."


Scott licks his dry lips, trying to get his brain to function, but it seemed to be working slowly under the effects of the drugs. "Some water...would be nice." He squints in the lights. "Guess...I'm alive, huh... " He swallows hard, feeling as though he's been sucking on cotton. "How's it look?"


Memories begin to bombard Jason's mind. Every muscle in his body tightens against the emotional barrage as Katie speaks. Her tone said it all...he knew what was coming...and there was nothing he could do about it.

Keeping his eyes fixed on the water, he just absorbs the words...the words that he thought he would never hear. His heart is torn in two, his barrier pushed to its limit as the pressure builds. But if he broke now, he would crush Katie for sure.

He gives no verbal response...the submerged emotions pool behind his eyes though he holds them back with all his strength. He didn't dare speak, lest he crumble.

As Katie's arms wrap around him, he doesn't want to return the embrace for fear of wanting to hold on, but he can't deny himself to feel her in his arms once more. Hugging her close, he receives her kiss, his eyes closed.... he could not bear to look her in the eye....he could not see those tears that tore at his heart...he could not dare convey through his look what he was feeling, lest he make this any harder on her. He knew what she was saying, and he had to let go.

Jason's arms have never felt emptier as Katie backs away. He remains silent...his eyes following her as she turns to walk away, leaving him with a pain he thought he had prepared for...a pain he thought he could have ignored. But it was more devastating than he could have imagined, and he looks away, turning his back, unable to watch her leave. His ears pick up the sound of her car starting, and he listens to the engine until it fades so far into the distance, that all the straining can no longer pick it up.

His eyes remain on the lake...the moving water...he just stands... for a long time he just stands as if time has no importance. He remembers...he remembers the feelings he'd had...he remembers the good times he'd shared with Katie...he remembers giving his heart away. And somehow...somewhere along the line...that same heart had been encased with stone. Underneath all that hardness, it still beat with life, yearning to be set free of its prison. But in the dark shadows, it sees no light...it can emit none of its own...it cannot be shared.

Jason knows that this is his fault. Since the day he decided to begin locking himself away to protect himself...to protect another...this day had been in his future. He had locked himself away, resisting Katie's attempt to draw him out...to feel him. He had grown so full of hurt and anger that love had been trampled on and snuffed out. It was still there...somewhere...but it was lost. He had deliberately hurt her with an emotional rage...he had turned his back on her when she needed him. He had all but told her to walk away.

And yet...today...the finality of this event drained him of his energy. He had pushed for this to happen...and yet loathed its occurrence. Why could he not feel again? Why had he locked himself away? Why was he so bent on hiding himself? He didn't know...he didn't understand...he didn't understand his own feelings and actions anymore. He didn't know...himself. And if he couldn't even figure himself out, how could he expect to maintain a relationship that required two?

Jason doesn't know how long he's been standing on the beach. But his barrier is being stretched...threatening to burst. His body reacts to his emotional turmoil in the only way it can, and forces the tears to the surface against his own will. Emotions could be buried...emotions could be hidden...emotions could be blocked from allowing another to feel them and draw them out... but it didn't mean they didn't exist... it didn't mean that the body could refuse them as well as the mind could.

His hands rest in his jeans pockets as the tears fall, running down his face. His stare is hollow and still...unwavering...unblinking. They fall slowly...silently...witnessed by no one.

And finally...finally...Jason turns to trudge to his bike. He had no choice...there was no other path. He might be walking alone, but he must walk...

The emotions that boiled inside of him resembled pure hurt...agony...loneliness...the all too-familiar anger for the whole situation that he had created...

Walking into TJY, Jason holds his head high and aims for the main floor. Though his walk was steady, his eyes were bloodshot, the only glimpse into the impression that all was not right. Passing Nate's desk, he pauses, grasping reality and with tightened fists in an effort to ride out this pain. Keeping his mind busy was the only thing he could do. "You heading up that investigation for Mick? I'd like to help out if there's room"