Rollercoaster ride

Jason makes his way out of the building, ignoring a few strange glances that are thrown in his direction. He’d brought his motorcycle this morning, and it takes only moments for him to throw his helmet on and rev the engine.

Pulling out of the parking lot, a million and one thoughts race through his mind. Maybe he’d known all this before…maybe he had just ignored it. Maybe he’d just ignored the signs, when he knew how severe this was.

Slowing at a stop sign, he sees no one else is at the intersection, and turns to accelerate down the next street.

He’d never dwelled on Katie’s connection with him for too long… It had been unexplainable, so there was no point in really trying to figure it out. She’d saved his life, so it had been nothing to fear. She’d simply been able to protect him by, for some reason, being able to sense his pain or danger. That alone hadn’t been all THAT bizarre.

But then he’d started being able to control his emotions…she’d started feeling them more…wanting them. His mind drifts back to prison and the first time Katie had come to visit. It had been a deliberate act on his part to let his emotions out to her, so she could understand him…so she could relate and know he was okay. At the same time, it had been like a relief to him, finally able to send out all his pent up emotions into an absorbing sponge.

Jason gears down for a red light and waits at the intersection impatiently.

At the time, it had felt so natural…so…good maybe, that he hadn’t tried to explain it away. It was just…something…that happened. But thinking about it now…really trying to figure out what had gone on, it was a fearful subject. This was more than a sixth sense. And it wasn’t just Katie. It was both of them.

Turning left, Jason hits the open road and guns it, racing to beat the horizon.

He recalls the time that he had purposely forced out all his anger in Katie’s direction after he’d returned from prison, and he remembers the guilt afterward for how much it had hurt her, almost physically. He’d done that almost without thinking…why had he thought nothing of it at the time? That was certainly not something anybody should be able to do. Yet he’d just taken it for granted as something he’d learned how manipulate. Was this whole thing such a part of their beings that they simply hadn’t even thought about actually looking at it and realizing how….how bizarre and unreal it was?

This…thing…it had been evolving slowly over time, and now had gotten to the point where it was interfering with their lives. Were they at fault for letting it get out of control? Or was it something they could not tame?

Jason had blocked Katie out once before…completely. It had upset her, but at least she hadn’t been feeling all his pain. Did he have to do that again, in order to keep them both from going crazy?

As easily as Jason shifts gears on his bike, he shuts himself down. It had become a whole lot easier than he thought - now it was just like opening or closing a door without effort. He simply didn’t do it anymore because Katie had said it hurt.

He thinks about it…no feelings…no pain…and he knew at this very instant, Katie was feeling that void. He was depriving her his emotions…was that so bad? Couldn’t she get used to not feeling him? Was it simply a matter of learning how to be separated, like weaning a pup from its mother?

Jason remembers the torment in Katie’s eyes…whether she could get over it or not, he didn’t want to hurt her…he didn’t wan to put her through that if she didn’t have to.

Rounding a curve in the road, he opens up again. Keeping himself from her entirely was not the solution. It had upset her too much before, and if he did that, then he’d be miserable too. …The emotions released to freedom again, he focuses on the road ahead, his mind still reeling.

What emotions did she feel? Was it truly all of them? Was it a thought, or the raw feeling?

He runs through his own emotions like flipping through a photo album, not realizing their individual strength they would hit their target with as he pulls them out. Happiness, sadness, anger, hurt, frustration, bliss, irritation, joy… The good and the bad…whenever something out of the ordinary happened – whether it was seeing an old friend, or hitting a finger with a hammer – they all evoked emotions of some sort.

If it was just the bad, that was one thing… Jason had been able to live with that… but realizing this morning that it was everything…

He takes another turn, circling back around towards town.

His thoughts go back to Camryn. He’d had some pretty strong feelings there, and they weren’t something he would go around talking about. To think that someone else had known what was going through his mind based on his emotional response was…well, it was embarrassing. Thinking about the previous evening in the truck, Jason relives it for a moment, feeling again what had boiled inside of him as he’d stared Camryn in the eye. He’d wanted more…

Jason cringes, wanting to kick himself for reliving that. Did Katie automatically feel everything, or did she have to be paying attention? Unfortunately, he knew it was automatic. He’d just given her a nice dose of last night all over again.

Frustrated, he shifts into another gear, speeding to town.

He was running her thought the gauntlet of emotions right now and he just now realized it. But how else was he supposed to think about all these things? How could he enable himself to work through this, and keep Katie out of it?

Reaching town, he makes several turns and winds up in front of the little Italian restaurant. It was mid morning…there would be hardly anybody here. He couldn’t go back to work yet…not yet…not untili he’d calmed himself down.

Getting off his bike and entering Mom and Pop’s, the bell on the door signals his entrance. He forces a smile to his lips and gives a wave to Mabel before heading to the back and sliding into his favorite booth. Resting his elbows on the table, he buries his face in his hands.