Regret

Laura looks up from her desk, seeing Katie disappear into Reese's office...something didn't feel right...but she stays, not sure if it was something she should barge in on or not.

Wyatt stands as Katie enters, and accepts her hug, for once needing it himself. A tear finally escapes to run down his cheek, and he doesn't stop it. There was no shame in crying with this group of people. They were family.

Hearing Carson's name, Wyatt looks up quickly to Nate. Carson was calling? He gives Nate a questioning glance. What was going on?


As Nate confirms the worst, the oceanside view from the small bungalow loses it’s beauty and everything becomes gray. Carson’s knees buckle and he leans on the small kitchen table for support, his grip on the phone making his knuckles turn white. Dread overcomes him as a title wave, making the room spin. Time stands still as past scenes rush into his mind. His own words echo in his ears. “For the last time – go.” Misty’s tears…blood…the pain in her eyes…he had done that. The horror of the truth intensifies the anguish.

He was responsible for this.

If he hadn’t screwed everything up, Misty wouldn’t have gotten hurt…she wouldn’t have wanted to go back to England…she would still be alive.

Shock settles in and Carson cannot find any words. The phone is still to his ear, he can hear Nate asking him a question, but his voice seems to be completely lost.

Suddenly his body retaliates against his strong emotional state. Dropping the phone, he spins around to retch in the sink, doubling over as his stomach receives the brunt of what he is feeling.

It’s several moments before he can straighten up again, and he staggers to the table. Reaching for the phone, he shuts it off without even saying anything more to Nate. His grip tightens, and in a burst of anger, the phone goes flying across the room, crashing into the wall.

Sinking to the floor, he slides down against the counter, any energy leaving him completely. An innocent girl had died…Misty…the young woman who had turned Carson’s world upside down was gone.

Whether he likes it or not, memories hurl themselves in his direction. The first time he’d seen Misty…the first kiss he had stolen with no idea how it would springboard them into their relationship. She had touched the hidden places of his heart…shown him where the light was when he’d been lost in his own dark world. She had shown him what it felt like to be loved.

And he had thrown it all away. And for what? A fling with a woman who could care less about him. Feeling stupid couldn’t even being to describe how he felt…he hated himself. The horror he was experiencing compared to nothing else.

A time not all that long ago, Carson had been desperate enough to attempt taking his own life. This time, it went beyond that, to a desperation so deep it went too far to resolve by any self-inflicting act. This time he deserved to live with this pain. He deserved to feel it and endure it because it was him who had put these events into motion.