Battle

Feeling love can be uncontrolled. It seeps into the heart, sometimes unnoticed until it is suddenly in full bloom. But even such a strong emotion as love needs to have the willingness to be shared. And sharing love exposes the heart. So by loving, and showing love, that person opens up themselves to another, laying bare their soul for both the good and the bad. Choosing not to lay bare the soul keeps the love covered where it festers, eating away at he heart as it longs to be released.


“Oh, Katie.” Jason immediately returns the embrace, bringing Katie close in a strong hug. As he holds her, the longing his arms have felt is relieved. The ach to feel her touch again disperses. From somewhere deep down, tears want to come, but they are blocked.

Holding Katie for a long moment, Jason finally draws back just a little, lifting her face to see her eyes. Cocking his head and leaning down, he presses his lips to hers, feeling the warmth he’s been waiting for, for so long. Oh, how he has missed her.

…But how can the heart of one who has locked himself away feel what he longs to feel?

Withdrawing, Jason stands back, holding Katie at arm’s length, just studying her eyes. A sudden twist to his gut comes as a warning of something he cannot see. There was a confusion…a disturbance he didn’t recognize.

And yet…he did know. For he had learned well how to bury his feelings…his emotions. The pain he had suffered had been locked away tightly, without the intention of releasing it or sharing it. He could not bear to see that pain in Katie’s eyes…he could not bear the pain inside himself to relive it again.

But just as chlorine destroys good and bad germs, so too did Jason’s barrier seize the good along with the bad. So slowly…so quietly it had happened…it had gone unrecognized…unheeded. For thinking one could separate one emotion from the next was but folly, waiting to be proven.

Jason swallows hard and slowly releases Katie. As he looks into her eyes, he relays nothing…his actions of his embrace…his passionate exchange spoke of a true longing. Yet as impossible as it seemed, at the same time, he could not have been more numb. His heart had been locked…and the key was lost.

Was it by choice? Was it the fault of him protecting his own heart? Was it simply the aftermath of tragic circumstances? The source didn’t seem to matter. For now there was a new choice. The barrier could be broken if the host wished it to be. But releasing the love meant releasing the pain. One could not be exposed without the other. And the pain was too great.

Jason now had over half a year’s worth of experiences that he had not spoken of. Over a half a year of hardness that had set in. Over half a year of becoming someone who would firs throw a punch than speak a word. Over half a year struggling to remain who he was, but giving in to the change.

Love was suddenly a lost emotion, somewhere beneath the tumult of hurt. For without the willingness to share all of his heart, the portion that mattered the most remained hidden from view.

…The love was indeed felt inside the heart that was incased in stone, but it was no longer visible….no longer evident to the eyes of others…no longer shared.

His arms were warm, but his eyes were cold.