Deliberate Mask

Jason looks at Katie a bit dumbly, not quite awake yet, and still unable to fathom how none of this had bothered her. "Alright..." He watches her leave, then sighs before attempting to stand up and limp to the bathroom to take a shower.

Finally dressed and just finished lacing up his boots, Jason sits on the edge of his bed for a moment to regroup. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. He couldn't remember what had happened in the night, though he knew it had been rough and at some point he'd finally been able to rest - most likely because of Katie. He hated it that she had to be put through that...he was sure she hadn't slept at all because of him - it was the second night in a row he'd caused her to lose sleep. It wasn't fair to her. But what could he do? He'd already come to the conclusion that there was no way he could stop her. She cared too much to just let him go. The only way he could help her was to get through this problem.

Then what about everyone else? Jason couldn't let Reese find out about this... If he did, Jason would be forced to take medical leave, and that was the last thing he wanted at this point. Wyatt's knowledge that he was struggling was bad enough, though he was pretty sure of Wyatt's silence.

Jason knew what he had needed before...his experience with Adam had taught him a lot, as did what he went through during his kidnapping to overcome his mental battle. He knew that he had needed time out, and had needed to walk back through the memories slowly to face them as scenes that could no longer hurt him.
...But it was different this time. There was more going on than just flashbacks...more circumstances beyond his control that were tearing apart his livelihood... and the combination was deadly. The nightmares were worse - they combined his past and the recent events, involving those around him that he cared for. The flashback he'd experienced yesterday had been different....almost as if it had been driven by his imagination on top of a memory, making it more vivid.
Jason knew the past could not hurt him...he knew that his memories did not have to control him... but what happened when he already knew that and the pattern came back for round two? He recalled Adam's words....he'd said that if Jason were ever to become emotionally distraught, or if any memories that had not been revisited were to be resurrected, that Jason might very well go through a similar experience and have to deal with it again. ...and that's exactly what was happening. But it was different...and he had to find a different way to deal with it, and fast, or it was going to destroy even more than it already had.

Jason stands up and grabs his wallet off the dresser, taking a moment to run his thumb over the words etched into it. He could not hide from Katie. She was one person who not only could see through his masks, but who somehow prevented him from even trying to use one with her. And she was the only one he could trust with his problems.... it was time to accept those facts and give in to them rather than fighting them. He could not let anyone else into this part of his life, lest it be used against him...and it was embarrassing to say the least. He was Hotshot at TJY...and being this vulnerable certainly wasn't living up to that name.

Making his decision, Jason finishes getting ready and exits his room with forced alertness. Until he knew exactly how to deal with this new mental battle, he only had one course to travel.
As he walks into the suite's living room, he sees Katie ready to go and waiting. He opens his mouth to say something, but a knock at the door interrupts him. On guard, he cautiously approaches the door and listens intently, ready for anything. He grips the doorknob and turns it slowly, silently cracking the door just enough to see out. Relieved, he steps back, allowing Wyatt to enter.

Wyatt gives him a wry grin, realizing by the look on his face that he'd caused a bit of concern. "Sorry. I was going to call before I left home, but forgot, and then I was already on my way. Figured I'd give you guys a lift." He throws Katie a smile. "Unfortunately my damsel in distress isn't going to be distressing anymore after today. I'm going to have to find another excuse to see her if I can't keep giving her rides."

Jason forces a grin to his lips, letting go of his true feelings and immediately assuming a completely confident and relaxed role, opposite that of what he's really feeling.

Wyatt turns to him with a look of question. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine." Jason shrugs casually. "Just a little bump in the road yesterday. I'm alright now, thanks."

Not being able to see through Jason's expertly positioned mask, Wyatt nods. "Good to hear. Y'all ready to go?"

Jason glances at Katie. As easily and quickly as one might blink, his eyes reveal his exhaustion and mental anguish, proving only to her that he's not alright. His brief look conveys a message he knows will be received - that he may be hiding from Wyatt, but not from her. Unable to voice any of this though, he turns back to Wyatt, immediately falling back into his other role so smoothly and skillfully that no one would ever have noticed the instantaneous change. "Looks like it. Lead the way."