Time and Choices

Jason's eyes remain focused on nothing beyond him, but as Katie touches his arm, he looks up at her, taking in her words. Meant to comfort, they did, despite the awful pain. He was learning not to fight allowing Katie to help him, and this time, he absorbed the comfort rather than resisting. He didn't have the energy to fight anyway...not this time.

Swallowing hard, he can't find words to respond with, his eyes dropping back down. But he slowly shifts his arm to find Katie's hand, interlocking her fingers with his. Without her here, his emotions would pile up too quickly. Her presence helped ease that, and right now, that's all he wanted.

Tears rest behind his eyes, and he's so tired, but awake at the same time. Finally he gives Katie's hand a squeeze and lets her go. Thanks, Hero.


Rick stands back, watching their interaction, wondering about Jason's lethargic reactions. For some reason, he thought there was more to this story...and for now he decided to lay off any more reprimands. What would be would be, and if there was more, he'd find out later. For now, Jason needed to rest whether he wanted to or not.


The night is long. Jason takes up the bed in the infirmary once again. Though his mind reels throughout the night with memories and dreams, Katie's presence is soothing, helping him through.

By morning, the rain has stopped and the sun has come out to smile on the land, even if souls and hearts still feel the darkness.


"Kyle?" Phil hollers out of the bathroom, cocking his head at the wet clothes that had been drying over the shower rack all night.

Kyle pops his head into the bathroom, just tucking in his shirt as he prepared for work. "Hmm?"

Phil points. "What did you do last night? Go for a swim?"

Kyle laughs. "No. I was out in the rain for a while."

"In the rain?" Phil waits for a better explanation.

"Yeah. With Misty."

"Misty Miller?"

"Uh-huh."

Phil quirks an eyebrow. "Do I dare ask why?"

Kyle shrugs, growing a little more serious. "She needed a friend. I don't know the whole story, but I know she and Carson broke up, and she's not doing so hot. She and Jase came in to the Pizza Box, she stuck around and I figured she could use some cheering up."

"End of story?"

"End of story. Now I'm late for work." Kyle grins and waves at his brother. "See you later."


A card is waiting for Katie at her desk, tied with a ribbon to a small bouquet of flowers. Inside is Scott’s handwriting:
Katie,
I laid awake most of the night, thinking of you…me…us. And I thanked God for bringing you back into my life. Because without you, I felt as though the sun had ceased to exist.
I don’t know what the future holds for us…maybe our parting really was meant to be. But I’m grateful for any time I have with you, and if it’s for eternity, then I’m the lucky one. If it’s not, then to have these precious moments with you is like holding the summer breeze in the palm of my hand, always to remember.
Loving you,
Your white rabbit


Jason dials Camryn one more time, and one more time receives her voicemail. He’d already left two messages. He didn’t leave a third.

Sighing, he flips his phone shut and sets it on the bedside table, rolling over onto his side to stare at the all-too-familiar infirmary wall. Was it really over between him and Camryn? She hadn’t appeared to be swayable the night before.

The night had given him some amount of emotional relief. This morning it was just a depressing numbness that had settled over him. It didn’t hurt as much as last night, but it didn’t feel good either. It was just…a dull ache.

Jason was grateful Katie had been around...unloading on her had helped. She wasn't in the infirmary this morning - already starting her day of work. Jason wanted to work too, but Rick would be operating on his knee soon, then everything would be up in the air after that. At least Rick now knew about Camryn, so no awkward questions would be asked.

Turning back over, Jason picks up his phone again and finds a number before dialing. “Hi, is Camryn Lane there?”

“I’m sorry, Miss Lane is no longer employed here.”

Jason’s heart sinks further. “Oh…um…thanks.” He hangs up one more time. What was that all about? She’d quit her job? When? He suddenly wonders if there was more to this he didn’t yet know. He flips his phone open one more time.

“Hey, Kyle…Jason. Yeah, listen…I um…I wiped out on my motorcycle last night so I can’t get around and…. Yeah, I’m alright. No worries. But I can’t get a hold of Camryn. You think you could swing by her place on your way to work? No…no message just…if she’s there um…just let me know, okay? Yeah…thanks, Kyle.”

Flipping his phone shut again, now he sets it on the table for the last time. Maybe it wasn’t fair not to have told Kyle what was going on, but he really didn’t want to explain everything right now.


Dear Katie,

I always love hearing from you. Your emails are a bright spot in my day.

I’m so glad you’re remembering everything now – I knew if anyone could pull through it would be you. We’ve all been praying for you.

By the way, I talked to your uncle Jeff earlier today and he said next time I spoke to you to tell you hi. He’s been thinking about going to Nevada for a visit – I keep telling him he should. He needs a vacation…he’s been working too hard lately.

I smiled when I read what you said about Scott. I’ve been there, Katie, and I know the feeling. I’m glad you two are trying things again. He seems like a good man.

Good to hear that Jason is doing well too. I know he’s had an awful lot to work through – more than most people should.

Not too much new on my end. Family and work as usual. Business has been kind of slow with the dog kennel, but we’re surviving. I’ve been wondering about taking on some other work to help with finance. We’ll see.

I’ll let you go now, but before I do, I just want to say again how proud I am of you. I’m so glad that we’re able to talk now and that the past is behind us. If you ever need anything, I’m just a call away.

Love,
Dad


Carson opens his eyes groggily, barely able to make out the time on his bedside clock. It was early...too early for him to even be thinking about getting up. But if he waited any longer to call Mom and Pop's, someone would be there, and he'd have to talk to someone rather than leaving a message.

Groping for his phone, he knocks the receiver off onto the floor, then retrieves it by pulling on the cord. Dialing with his eyes closed, he hears the answering machine that rattles off the hours of the restaurant, then finally hears the beep.

His message is brief - he's calling in sick. He doesn't explain. He doesn't need to, nor does he want to.

Hanging up, he rolls over again to sleep for several more hours, his head pounding with a headache he knows will last.

By the time he gets up, it's close to noon, and his apartment is quiet. He vaguely remembers Nate being there the night before and doesn't remember much about anything else, but he must have left this morning. He wondered about that...why Nate would have come at all was a mystery to him.

Getting started with his day was like standing in a mudhole that was sucking him downward. Lethargic and hurting, he downs several aspirins and by the afternoon, takes a nap. Through the day though, his misery leftover from the day before develops into a stronger urge to ignore and move on. Maybe he'd made a mistake...but he was his own man and could do what he wanted. If Misty didn't even want to hear an apology, then it was her loss.

His own attitude pained him, but he was too much of an expert at feeling no guilt. He would move on with his life. He was Carson Banks. He made up his own mind about things. He made is own choices.


The day rolls on, the morning turns into afternoon, the sun making it's way across the sky again. Circumstances in people's lives seem to always be the same, yet subtle changes take place, setting a whirlwind of events into motion.


Jason's surgery goes well, though when finished, Rick tries one more time to tell him to take it easy. He wants Jason on crutches for three weeks, then after that he would see again. But no extra activities, no stupid playing with the guys, no motorcycle riding.

This time, Jason is in too low of a state to argue, and just accepts the orders. For now, he would be stuck in the infirmary for two days to recover. The thought struck him that this time Camryn wasn't around to help him, and that just propelled him further into depression, though he tried to ignore it. The only one he didn't hide it from was Katie. She knew it anyway, and though he pasted on a smile, he didn't block the emotions from her. He needed her too much right now.


Evening...the start of time in motion...

Carson squints through the smoke and scans the room, his eyes coming to light on the table in the back. There were three tonight. Sean must have to work late again. All the same, this made the numbers even.

He approaches slowly, ambling across the floor, and waving to the bartender that he wants his usual shot of whiskey and bottle of beer.

Arriving at the table, he sidles up behind Velvet and slings his arms around her from behind, folding them across her front.

Velvet eyes Peter for a moment, then grins and runs a finger across Carson's arms, tilting her head so she can see his face. “Well, Mr. No Show, you did come. I thought maybe you’d abandoned us after you skunked us last night.”

Carson sighs and kisses her head before moving to pull out a chair for himself. “Abandon you? What do you take me for?”

Velvet looks at him slyly. “Like you’ve never abandoned anyone before.”

Carson’s eyes narrow. “Don’t let me get bored and I won’t have any reason to leave.”

Velvet laughs and tosses the deck of cards to Jess, still speaking to Carson. “So where were you last night?”

“Home.”

“Well that’s not very exciting.”

“Being drunk can be exciting.”

Velvet tsks and shakes her head. “Now that’s no way to handle that boredom of yours.”

“Maybe I’ll know better tonight then.”

“I certainly hope so.”

Carson downs his shot of whiskey. Misty. He fights his own mind’s whispering. He knew how to play this role all too well.

Once someone makes up their mind, it's hard to turn around. Not necessarily because they like the path they've taken, but because pride keeps them there. Maybe it's an enjoyable path at first. Maybe they're still being lured in by what attracted them in the first place. But how long will it last?

Time slips by.

Velvet slides onto Carson's lap, one hand on his shoulder, the other handing him a new beer. He slings an arm around her waist, accepting and returning a kiss before taking the drink. "Thanks, babe." Misty.

"Gotta keep you going for tonight."

"Of course." Carson takes a swig and sets the bottle down before picking up his hand of cards. Misty. "You gonna stay here and spy on what I got or what?"

"Maybe." Velvet gives him a sly look, but goes to slide back off his knee. She has to stop though as his hold has tightened, not allowing her to move. Laughing, she elbows his ribs. "Alright, come on."

"What?"

"You know what."

"Maybe I don't mind you spying on my cards."

Velvet twists around to see his face, her grin aimed at him as she tilts his baseball cap upward. "We can't play if you don't let me go."

"I thought I was playing." Misty.

Velvet leans in to give his lips another lingering kiss. "There...that should hold you until later."

Misty. Carson grins and lets her get up, giving her bottom a backhanded swat.

Velvet whirls around to give his shins a light kick. "Cut it out or I'll lock you out tonight."

"Aw, you wouldn't do that to me."

"Wouldn't I?" Velvet throws him a mischievous look. "Behave and we won't have to find out."

Carson chuckles and takes another swig of beer. It was his fourth and he was starting to feel it. Talk came easily when he felt this good. As long as his mouth stayed lubricated and his veins inebriated, nothing much was going to bother him. Misty. He reverts his mind for the fifth time tonight and the hundredth time this past week. "Alright, who's up?"

And then, time has a funny way of manipulating choices. It can make the paths chosen seem quick and easy, while other times it can make the journey rough and winding. But even so, can one even see the way back? Or are they stuck where they are, only to move ahead toward what they have chosen?

Beep, beep, beep... Carson groans at the sound of the alarm. His head was sunk comfortably into the pillow, his arm tucked around Velvet and he didn't want to go to work after another late night. But he'd already been late two days in a row and couldn't risk Herb getting on him about his tardiness.

Rolling over, he slaps the digital clock and sits up, swinging his feet onto the floor and yawning.

"You leaving?" Velvet's sleepy voice is mumbled into the covers.

"Yeah, after I take a shower."

"Mm...you're coming tonight, right?"

Carson nods absentmindedly. "Yeah." He turns for a moment to look at Velvet's almost-sleeping form. Cocking his head, he just thinks for several seconds. He didn't feel like he thought he would. He didn't feel like he should. He didn't feel like he had in the past. It seemed nothing was quenching this thirst in his heart anymore. Misty.

Shaking his head, Carson finally gets up, grabbing his clothes out of one of the bags he'd brought yesterday as he'd moved in to Violet's apartment. He was completely out of his own place now and at least paying half the rent was nice. Finding what he needs, he aims for the shower. He needed to clear his head and get rid of the lingering headache: the aftermath of last night's drinking.

Almost half an hour later, he was walking up to Mom and Pop's, putting out his cigarette before he enters. Heading straight to the kitchen, he barely nods to Aerith or Mabel, avoiding them like he had lately. He knew his body language conveyed the misery he felt, but he didn't much care. He didn't even know why he should be this miserable. He had what he wanted, didn't he? Any other time in his life, he would have been able to kick back and enjoy himself - why couldn't he now? Misty.

After walking towards a light only hoped to be there, the darkness becomes more apparent. But a heart settled on its path is not easily swayed, no matter how clearly it can see. Decisions are made based on the past not the present, and the future is mapped out by the pride within, not the hope for something more...something better.

"Hey, hot stuff." Velvet sets her purse down and comes into the living room to sink down next to Carson, enveloping him in a kiss. "Thought you were working late tonight."

Carson clicks the tv off and shakes his head. "Got off earlier than I thought."

"Good." Velvet moves to face Carson, straddling his lap, and reveals a small bag she'd been holding. "Got something for you."

"Oh?" Carson's hands rest on her hips, and he eyes her suspiciously.

Velvet laughs and nods. "Mm-hmm." Reaching into the bag, she pulls out a man's silver chain. Holding it out, she leans forward and fastens it around his neck. "To replace the one you used to wear."

Though Carson pulls her closer to give his thanks in a passionate kiss, his mind is at war. Misty. He tries to concentrate on Velvet. Misty. He liked where he was...he liked being here...he liked the attention... Misty. His old life was gone.

At some point, choices are eventually weighed. But when they're choices that can't be undone, what can one do? They move on...ignore the pain...hang on to the pride. Misery sets in. But they hang on. It's all they know now. It's all they feel capable of doing. It's all they feel worth doing. So they stay.

Carson sits on the edge of the bed, watching the rain pelt against the window. The dark curtains were drawn just enough he could see out into the gray morning. He saw nothing. He felt nothing.

"You alright?" Velvet's hand reaches up to rub his back.

Carson is jolted from his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm okay." He lies back down to look up at the ceiling, absentmindedly letting Velvet cuddle into his arm. It was a strange sensation that invaded his mind. One that told him to leave, while at the same time told him he wanted to stay. But what did he really want? He'd had everything he wanted lately. Fun, drinks, friends, a woman. Shouldn't he be feeling better than this? Wasn't that the way it had always worked? Why wasn't it working this time? Misty.

"You sure you're okay?"

Carson moves to run his fingers through Velvet's hair. "Yeah."

Sometimes reminders hit too close to home, bringing back the memories of what once was...memories of what had been thrown away. Memories that pull the heartstrings and bring the questions to the surface that had been so stubbornly ignored. Were the wrong decisions made? What if different choices had been taken? Would they ever be able to forget? Would they ever be able to find happiness down the path that had seemed so good before?

"Rough day?"

Carson lifts his head from the kitchen table, leaning back into Velvet as she rubs his shoulders. "I guess."

"Mm, I'm sorry." Velvet leans around to kiss his lips. "Want some supper?"

Carson returns the kiss and then shrugs. "Sure, unless you wanted to go out."

"Nah, I'm game to stay in tonight until we hit the Bullseye." She straightens up and goes to the fridge, pausing at the open door, scanning what little food there was. "How about something light... grilled cheese sandwiches?"

Carson's head snaps up, a pang hitting his heart. Misty. "How about...I just take you out? I'm not a big grilled cheese fan."

Velvet quirks an eyebrow at his sharp tone. "Oh...okay. Whatever."

When change is in the wind, sometimes one can tell. Sometimes they can't. But things always change. Nothing ever stays the same. No matter the choices, good or bad, chain of events are put into play, and eventually they will lead to circumstance that will ultimately reveal the consequences of one's actions.

A wakeup call is a lingering kiss and Carson puts his arms around Velvet. "Too early," he mumbles.

Velvet laughs. "We gotta meet the others, remember. Come on. Up and at 'em."

Carson groans and rolls over onto his side. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, his stomach hurt.

"Come on, big guy." Velvet turns him over onto his back again and gives him another kiss. "I can't sit here all day until you wake up."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone will be waiting on us."

Carson finally opens one eye to squint at the clock. "Coffee?"

"Coming right up." Velvet slips out of bed and pulls on her robe. "Black?"

"Mm-hmm." Carson rolls over onto his stomach, one arm falling off the side of the bed. Another day...another miserable day. Misty. His mind tries to concentrate on what was happening today. Misty. Planning for Vegas would be fun...it would be something different. Misty. He needed to wake up and get his mind in gear so he'd be ready. Counting cards might not be the best way to make a living, but they all could use the money, and hitting it big was what they looked forward to. They were meeting somewhere today to go over plans. Jess had chosen Mom and Pop's. Carson wasn't too keen on that, but forced apathy. Misty. He slams his fist into his pillow. Why wouldn't his brain cooperate with him? His head pounding, he finally sits up, forcing his mind to focus on today and nothing else.


As time rolls on, so do the lives of others. While one has taken a winding path down a road away from the lives of those formerly considered friends, those very friends have their own paths to take, and do so as quickly or as slowly as time allows.

Jason sits at his desk, picking at the lunch he'd warmed up. It was a bad substitute for the lunches Camryn used to cook for him. Though after two weeks, the dull ache was subsiding a little bit. She had indeed quit her job and left town before he'd had another chance to see her. Since then there had been no contact, and as far as Jason was concerned, there was no hope for contact either.

Getting around on crutches wasn't fun, but at least he was still able to work. Things at TJY went at at steady pace. Though Misty wasn't quite herself and still down about the whole Carson thing, the moods had been balanced out by Scott and Katie being back together. Jason had been glad when he'd found out...he was glad that they were trying to work things out despite the problems the connection between him and Katie had caused. It had severed his relationship with Camryn, but maybe at least Katie and Scott could be happy despite it.


Scott comes up to Katie's cubicle and leans over the wall, tossing Katie a grin. "It's no fun that I can't just roll on over here anymore," he teases. "Rick said I can't roll down the hall anymore."

It had been good the last couple weeks, doing things with Katie again. Though they were taking things slower this time, just spending time together had been the brightest spot in Scott's day. Whether they just had lunch together, or she came over to watch a movie in the evening, having her close meant the world to him, and he was happy.

"Thought we might go grab lunch somewhere if you got the time. Your choice where."


"Where's your friend?" Sue teases.

Kyle looks over to her with a smirk. "I don't know. Should I?"

"Well, every time she's been in here, you've gone over to talk with her. Rumor has it that..."

"And it's just a rumor," Kyle retorts good naturedly. He grins from the kitchen at the Pizza Box. "Give a guy a break and allow him to have some friends, will ya?"

Turning back to work, he chuckles. He'd spent a little more time with Misty the last couple weeks. It had been fun. He'd seen the look in her eye that revealed she was still hurting deeply, but able to bring a smile to her face was what he loved to do. Just hanging out in the park, at the mall or grabbing lunch, they were casual, chatting and giving each other a distraction from the day. It was fun, and Kyle had been enjoying it.