Emotions

Scott sits for a long while in his office after Katie had left. His head resting on his hands on his desk, just thinking...praying...thinking. He felt leading...he felt this was right. He didn't know what the future held...and though he and Katie still shared a deep love for one another, he knew that this time around it would be different.

"What do you want from me, God? Where do I belong?"

Thinking about the future, Scott wondered if it really could work again. He wanted it to...but what if it didn't? What would he do then? Something deep down nudged his heart. Something deep down prompted the courage that God had given him. If he and Katie did in fact break up again...he would survive. It would be hard, and he certainly didn't want it to happen and wasn't planning on it happening. But if it did...he was confident that it would be God's leading this time. And if that were true, then he and Katie both would be taken care of.

It's late by the time he goes home, but for the first time in weeks, a smile is on his face.


Kyle looks up from the back as he hears the door again, and raises his eyebrows while returning the wave. He'd just seen Jason and Misty both leave. Odd. Cocking his head he just looks at Misty for several moments, contemplating his options.

He glances up at the clock. "Hey, Sue, we're not too busy, mind if I take off early?"

The assistant manager shrugs. "Whatever. Just clock out."

"Alright." Kyle undoes his apron and clocks out, grabbing his backpack and throwing his watch and leather bracelet back on. Heading out onto the dining area, he gives Misty a quirky smile and plops down in the seat across from her without even asking. He didn't know Misty all that well, but he couldn't stand anyone hurting. Many a time he'd gone out of his way to try and make someone smile, who maybe even had been a complete stranger. But Misty wasn't a stranger, and he'd already opened up a dialogue with her. "Decide you liked it in here or what?"

He glances out the window, then back at Misty, his grin remaining. "You know the park downtown with the fountain? You ever been out there at night in the rain?" He lets the implication linger. "If you're not afraid of pneumonia, we can go check it out."


Carson numbly follows Nate's directions, and staggers and trips his way up the stairs to his apartment, grabbing hold of Nate to keep from landing on the floor. By the time he's inside, he's become a bit pale, proving the liquor is doing a number on his insides.

Getting into bed, he groans and mumbles several sentences that don't make a bit of sense at all. His eyes closed, he seems to be asleep before Nate leaves.

Half an hour later though, a loud thud can be heard from Carson's bedroom, alerting anyone that he'd fallen out of bed. Not half a minute later, he's crawling across the floor to the bathroom, barely making it before he gets sick. Without having had any supper, too full of alcohol and wound up from his walk and the drive, his stomach revolts. Leaning over the toilet, he doesn't even know how many times he throws up or even what time of night it is. And he doesn't care. Nothing makes sense, and he's not even sure he knows where he is at the moment. All he knows is that he hurts in more ways than one.


All of a sudden, rampant emotions are released in rapid motion to the only one who could sense them. Scattered and patterned illogically, they prove the host is trying to keep them back…to keep them hidden, but there are too many and they are too strong to hide all. Like someone trying to plug a hole in the bottom of a boat with their hands, it simply can’t be done.

Another gear, another speed. Jason doesn’t care about the pain in his leg, or about the rain that falls from the sky like arrows, blurring his vision and creating hazardous driving conditions.

“My…my parents showed up unexpectedly yesterday.”

“Oh? You didn’t tell me that.”

“I didn’t…well…it wasn’t important.”

“So…what’s wrong then?”

“They…didn’t know I was engaged.”

“What? You said you told them months ago.”

“I…I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“I was scared…I didn’t want them to put a damper on things.”

“So you preferred to lie to me.”

“I’m sorry, okay? It was wrong of me to lie. I just didn’t want you to worry.”

Jason grits his teeth, shifting gears up again as bits and pieces of the conversation continue to play over in his mind.

“Look, Jason. I’ve done a lot of thinking… I’ve really searched my heart, and… I just don’t think this is going to work.”

“What? But…we… We have to try. I know it can work. I know we can do it. Just give us time to find a solution.”

“But…I don’t think we can. I’ve thought this thing through and…I think this is best…for both of us.”

“I don’t want to walk away, Cam…not like this. Just…we have a future…I thought you…I thought you wanted to be with me.”

His words had hit a brick wall. He changes lanes to speed around a slower vehicle on the highway.

“My parents are right…”

“Great. So first you don’t tell them about me, then when you do, you let them change your mind about us.”

“I’m sorry! But they are right. What kind of future do we really have, Jase? Love conquers a lot of things, but how can you possibly expect us to survive through all of this?”

The motorcycle continues it’s pace down the road, no destination in mind, other than to get as far away from his negative thoughts as possible.

“We agreed we could work around this!”

“I thought we could!”

“Then what changed?”

“…Look, what kind of life would we have? Whenever you going down, Katie has to come? You always having to watch what you do because you might hurt her feelings?”

“So that’s it, huh? You’re calling everything off because of Katie and me.”

“…that’s part of it.”

Jason passes another vehicle on the road, swerving around them just in time before an oncoming car speeds by. The rain increases, soaking the pavement.

“What else have you not told me?”

“It’s nothing I haven’t told you! I just…I got to thinking about things and…I love you, Jason. There’s no doubt of that. We’re just so different and…and this whole thing with Katie, and…my dad, he… Well he helped me realize some things. I…I jumped into this thing with you so fast. That’s the way I do things. I don’t think first. And then…you know my faith is important to me, but you show no desire to share it, and when I add all this up, it just…”

“So you didn’t think about any of this before you actually said you’d be my wife.”

“I’m sorry!”

The emotions run wild through Jason’s veins. They surge through him, intensifying with each second. He was angry, he was upset, he was hurt.

“I…I just…”

“Don’t say you’re sorry again.”

“But I am! I didn’t want this to happen…it just…I…I love you and…”

“Don’t say that either, because it’s obviously not true.”

“Can you have no understanding? Can you not see it from my angle?”

“Of course I can! I’m not good enough for you. And you got scared. You’re afraid and pessimistic, and apparently you would rather please your parents than anything else. If you want to walk away, go right ahead, because if this is how we’re gonna start out, then I hate to see us three years from now when you decide it’s just too hard.”

Jason squints through the rain. He’d been angry. He’d been harsh. He’d raised his voice. He had not offered any comfort for the tears streaming down Camryn’s face. He hadn’t wanted to listen. And he’d felt as though his heart had been ripped in two.

Alone on the road, the motorcycle’s speed increases. A curve comes up fast and Jason leans his weight to carry the bike through.

A flash of lightning envelopes the sky, blinding Jason for a moment. Blinking, he cringes at the thunder he can feel. Before he can react, an object is suddenly seen in the middle of the road. A tree limb had come down in the wind.

Too late, Jason has to swerve to avoid hitting the limb. But the road is slick, and it happens too fast. The bike goes down.

Sliding on the asphalt, sparks fly. Jason’s reflexes kick in and he throws himself away from the dangerous machine. For what feels like an eternity, it’s only seconds that pass.

The bike skids down the highway and off the side of the road, hitting the curb and flipping to roll into the ditch.

Jason’s body slides on the road, tearing his jeans and scraping his jacket. For a moment, he’s not sure which way is up or down as his momentum slows and he begins to roll off onto the shoulder.

Finally coming to a halt, he just lies dazed, making sure he’s still alive and can actually move. Testing out his muscles, he comes to the conclusion that amazingly enough, nothing is broken, though his knee had taken a bad hit, and he hurt in more places than one – his ribcage hurt and he could feel that his shoulder had hit hard too.

His mind halts for a brief moment as he concentrates on sitting up and taking off his helmet. The rain comes down in sheets, cooling his skin and soaking his clothes.

Jason looks down and winces as he draws his leg to the side revealing some blood that surrounded the tear in the knee of his jeans. Sighing, he remains sitting, totally drained, emotionally and physically. He didn’t even want to go see if his bike was okay. The crash was a perfect ending to his day…a perfect example of what was happening to his life.

He just sits. Unmoving. Apathetic. A car zooms by, spraying him with water, the driver not even noticing him. His boots are scuffed and wet and he doesn’t care, and doesn’t move. Finally he draws his knees up to his chest even though it hurts, and wraps his arms around his legs. Resting his forehead on his knees, he shuts out the world. Too tired of fighting, he just lets his emotions do what they will. Camryn’s words played through his mind. His own he heard again. And somewhere in the distance, he thought of Katie. She’d know what had happened…she’d be the only one who would know where he was. But instead of worrying about it, he just let it go. Whatever happened would happen. He couldn’t fight anymore.