What you deserve

Bret smiles at Charlotte's offer. Something about having her stay here and cook was appealing...perhaps it made this house feel less empty.

"Mm...your cooking sounds too good to pass up...and seeing as though I've got a mountain of movies I never watch, surely there's one to keep us occupied."

He grins slyly. "As if we need any more entertainment."

He stands up and stretches, heading for the kitchen. "Come on... I'll help you cook if you can find something in this mess of a kitchen."


As Jess talks, Carson just listens. He keeps his eyes fixed on the sky or the park, hearing the pain in Jess' voice, and unsure what to do with it. He had so much pain himself...it was hard to take on another's. But she did bear so much on her shoulders...it was more than just a stupid incident with Peter...her hurt went clear back to her childhood when she'd felt rejected and abandoned...completely alone.

Carson mulls over her words as she ends, wondering at his own response. "Oh...I don't know, Jess... Sometimes I wonder if being loved in the first place was worth it... I suppose in the end I'd say it was... I guess maybe the pain is different for someone like me, who knows it was their own fault they're alone now."

He sighs, letting his breath out slowly. "Supposed to make a wish, eh?" A wry grin forms on his lips. "I think any of my wishes would be too impossible to ever come true."

Thinking a little more, he can't help but go back to Jess' words about her past. He'd seen that tear, though hadn't drawn attention to it. He knew Jess just well enough to know that she wasn't one to cry easily.

"People say the past makes us who we are... I guess there must be some truth to that, looking at my own past... my childhood... my family experiences. I could blame my father for a lot of things today if I wanted to. But I guess...even if some of my experiences molded the way I think, I can't let myself be bound to it. I've been a jerk...I've been worse than an enemy...I've done things that I deserve to die for... but the only one I can blame is myself. And if that's the case...then I figure I have just as much power to change my future."

He shrugs, avoiding details about his own childhood. He had never spoken to anyone about it, not even Misty, and wasn't planning to discuss it now. "I guess...even if your past was dim, Jess, you have the power to be whoever you want to be now. Whether you never felt loved or not...that doesn't mean that you never will... whether you never had true friends or not... that doesn't mean that you never will. There are too many variables in life... too many times that it's our own choices that take us down certain paths. You may think you're too scared to love, to ever get that far. You may think you're not worthy of being loved back. But that's all based on a past that's history... and to believe it now is to lie to yourself, which is a shame."

Carson finally turns his head to look at Jess. "Don't let a bum childhood ruin what you've got going for you now. You've got guts, determination, a heart that wants to love, good looks and a future that hasn't been written yet. You've got too much potential to let it go down the drain - to throw it away is to be totally unfair to yourself."

He knew this all too well...he'd thrown everything away at one point, and it had led him to eventual misery. Only when he'd been caught by TJY had he started to see it.

Searching Jess' eyes for a moment, he finally looks back up at the moon. "Don't be afraid of those who want to show you they care...if you are, then you'll never find that one you deserve."


Scott shifts his weight and moves over a little for Katie, slipping his arms around her to return the hug. He holds her close, resting his head against hers and rubbing her back. "Don't be sorry," he whispers. "It's okay."

A tear rolls down his face to be lost in Katie's soft hair. Scott's voice remains hoarse and quiet. "Sometimes that which we love the most we have to give up, simply because we do love it that much."

Rocking her a little, he just holds her, not caring who sees them, not caring how long they sit. They both needed this.

Finally though, he knows that they can't be here forever...at some point, they do need to move on. Giving Katie's head a kiss, Scott pulls away, reaching out to wipe away her tears. He forces the best smile that he can to the surface, trying to mask the pain in his eyes. He didn't know the future...no one could...and things could change...but deep down...he knew that this was only the beginning...something told him that the marriage he'd hoped for with Katie would never be realized. But he would not let those thoughts take him down...not a second time. Katie was too important.

"You want to come over to my place for a little while?" he offers. "Say hi to Domino...wind down before going home?"