Chemicals

Scott pauses his meal. He can see Katie’s mind at work. He can see the tension in her face…the concern in her eyes…the hesitance in her behavior. It frightened him. He wasn’t sure why, but…it did.

Shoving aside his own feelings, he quickly finishes his sandwich. “Alright then. Let me drive you home and…I might see you later at work then.”

Standing, he puts his plate in the sink, and comes back to the table to give Katie’s shoulders a brief massage before leaning down to kiss her. “I know Jamie needs your help, but don’t work too hard, alright?”


Carson’s eyes widen as Herb takes him on for the lunch hour. Hesitant at first, he takes an apron and ties it around his waist. He hadn’t planned on this, but…if it would get him a job, it would be worth it.

Feeling a bit awkward, he tries to grasp everything Herb tells him, trying to memorize the kitchen and tools. It’s not easy to keep everything straight though, and he finds himself out of his element, making him feel clumsy and stupid some of the time.

…A plate of food clatters to the floor. That was the second time. Carson was tempted to just walk out. But he was in over his head now, and he couldn’t. Gritting his teeth, he cleans up the mess and starts over, glad Herb doesn’t reprimand, but still feeling like an idiot.

…Another burned burger. That was intelligent. Carson throws out the bad meat, kicking himself for not paying attention.

By the time Herb exits the kitchen and tells Carson he can do the same, he’s exhausted. Tired, frustrated, and feeling more stupid than he had in a long time. Instead of leaving right away, he slowly takes off his apron and leans back against the doorframe.

Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. This was ridiculous. Why did he even think he could work here? Why did he even think he could work anywhere? The only thing he’d ever been good at was torturing and/or killing people. Any “normal” job and he was simply out of his element and all thumbs.

Heaving a sigh, Carson straightens and slowly heads to the front. He’d take Herb up on his offer for a free drink, but after this experience, it was probably time for him to leave.

Getting to the front, he goes around the counter to sink down on a stool. Shifting his baseball cap to rub his forehead, he nods to Mabel. “Right about now a coke sounds pretty good.”


Rick performs his own analysis as Misty does as she’s asked. While the two are working, Jason sits, stands, paces, sits, stands, stretches, and paces some more.

Finally as Misty hands Rick her printout, he thanks her and takes it to compare with his own. “I’m looking for….his voice trails off. “Fascinating.”

Jason looks over Rick’s shoulder, bypassing Misty. “What?”

Rick points at the two printouts. “Look at this…they’re significantly different.”

Jason squints at the information. “How about giving it to me in English?”

Rick chuckles and swivels around on his stool. He glances at Misty, knowing she doesn’t know everything, but for the moment, he’s not going to explain. He speaks to Jason, allowing her to listen or walk away, whatever she wants.

“Alright…these represent the chemical makeup in your bloodstream. Over time, as people age, the chemicals in their bodies change slightly – that’s a natural occurrence. However, unless there is an outside factor, chemical makeup’s don’t just change overnight – it’s a gradual process.” He pauses. “Yours changed in a matter of seconds.”

Jason crosses his arms. He still didn’t understand.

Rick continues and reaches for an older printout. “This is information on you from when you first started here. Comparing it to the first blood I took from you today, you look like a totally different person, chemical wise.”

Jason raises his eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah.” Rick nods. “It’s not possible.” He glances at misty again, knowing that this was where things got a little strange. “…but it’s right here. There have been significant changes in your chemical makeup, and my guess would be it’s been changing rapidly, especially lately.”

“So…”

“And then today, I took a sample of right after you broke that jar.” Rick points to the other printout. “It’s amazing the stuff that showed up – I would think I had two different people in here.” His excitement at his discovery shows in his eyes. “This is amazing…I think it makes sense though, with how your emotions are and how that can affect a body.”

Jason just didn’t see what there was to get excited about. He was royally confused. His eyes drift to Misty, then back to Rick. “I…still don’t get it.”

“Okay, um…” Rick fishes for a way to explain. “Take, um…worry, for example. What happens when someone worries too much?”

“They…get sick?”

“Sure. Studies have proven that acid in the stomach increases with worry or stress. So right there is proof that a mental state can affect the body.”

“But…we’re talking chemical makeup here…not acid.”

“Okay, okay…” Rick gestures with his hands, simply fascinated with this study. “So if a bit of worry can cause stomach problems, how about getting really upset? When you’re intensely upset, it makes you sick. You break out in a sweat, you get a fever, you throw up.”

“That’s hardly a bit of acid.”

“But we’re not talking normal here!” Rick looks Jason in the eye. “Do you feel normal?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Alright then. Take a ‘normal’ person…they have an average emotional level. They may worry or might have a hot temper, but generally speaking, their emotions would affect their bodies in a gradual manner. It might result in an ulcer down the road, but it’s gradual, and it doesn’t bring them to their knees in a matter of seconds. Now…” Rick rests his hand on the printouts. “Take you. Your emotions are off the charts. You know that, I know that, and Katie certainly knows that. You’re a…a…walking emotional time bomb.”

Jason rolls his eyes. “Thanks.”

“Well it’s true. So…when you’re walking around day-to-day, your emotions don’t affect you all that severely… You’ve certainly got a lot more going on than a normal person, but you’re calm, without a lot of stress. Then something happens…take one of your attacks. And boom! Your emotions explode. They go haywire. We know this because of Katie’s reactions. So then…that’s like a normal person multiplied by a hundred in a hundred years all packed in to one instant. Take that combination and what do you get? An instant chemical reaction that results in a physical reaction – you sweat, you get a fever, you vomit.”

Jason quirks an eyebrow. Maybe this was starting to make a little sense. “Okay…”

“You get what I’m saying?”

“I think so. So…instead of gradual effect on my body like a normal person’s worry would do, when I have an attack, or anything that sets my emotions reeling, it’s so much that it happens much more quickly.”

“Exactly!”

Jason leans back against the counter, still pondering. “Alright…but what about this chemical thing? I don’t get it.”

Rick knows this is hard for Jason, but to him, it was too intriguing not to be a little excited about it. “Your emotions are so strong…they form such a force that you can actually break things, right?”

“Apparently.”

“Okay…so those same emotions are locked inside unless you let them out. What do you think they’re doing to your body?”

“So you’re saying that not only do my emotions in general affect my body and might make me sick, but they’re actually strong enough that they’re manipulating my actual…makeup?”

Rick sees the disbelief and tries to explain more. He knows all of this probably sounds utterly crazy to Misty, but he stays at an even keel, behaving as though this were nothing to be worried about or anything to cause alarm. “Yeah, I think so. If your emotions can manipulate matter, why not? They’re stirring around inside of you, building up, gaining power, they’re going to move things around.”
He pauses, thinking. “The only way I came to the conclusion that your emotions were what were actually making you sick when you have an attack, is seeing this chemical imbalance. It’s a vicious cycle too, because when an imbalance comes along, that just feeds emotions even more – usually negatively. And…” Rick holds up a finger. “Here’s something else to think about. You’re not a diabetic. But what do you have a problem with?”

“Sugar.”

“Right. All studies on your body would conclude that your pancreas is working just fine. You’re a very healthy individual. You just have a tendency to get low on sugar. But if I didn’t know you, I’d say you were a diabetic on insulin. You shouldn’t have such severe nosedives. Oh, get a little lightheaded maybe, but not like what you have. That’s always been a mystery. But get this…when do you have the most trouble with it?”

“When I’m upset?”

“Exactly. Your emotions are shifting your chemical makeup, just like these printouts show. If they can break objects, surely they can work on your own body. They attack your one physical weakness. A chemical shift like this could cause anyone’s body to do weird things.”

Jason frowns. “So you’re telling me that it’s not my pancreas that causes the problem, it’s my emotions.”

“Yes.”

Jason straightens a little, unable to swallow all of this. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” Rick shakes his head. “It makes sense, Jase. Now, the problem didn’t start with the emotions, but it wouldn’t be as severe otherwise. But with the emotions in the mix, you have to watch it as much as a diabetic does.”

Jason gives a deep sigh. This was unreal. It shouldn’t be possible. But…it was happening. What about his attacks in general though? Did the stem from his rampant emotions or were they just amplified by them? “What about my nightmares? Do you have a theory now?”

“What’s the most traumatic emotional experience you’ve ever had?”

“Being abducted.”

“And that’s your nightmare, right?”

“Yes. But it had been so long! I was doing well!”

Rick nods. “A volcano will lay quiet for years before it explodes.”

“A volcano…”

“It HAD been a long time since you had an attack. I think that’s why this was so severe. See, this emotional thing you have attacks your one physical weakness, naturally. Why not your one mental weakness? All those emotions…all that you’ve been feeling has been building…just building pressure inside. Finally something triggers a memory and wham! There’s its chance to erupt. It latches on and drags you down, feeding off that traumatic memory. In turn it just makes itself more powerful by creating even more emotions and needs to be released. It’s…it’s a poison that kills you when it attacks.”

Jason has a difficult time wrapping his mind around all of this. There were so many pieces…was Rick really putting them together correctly? “Okay, so…first, my everyday spikes in emotions, such as worry or anxiety are enough to bring my sugar down because that’s a weak spot, and the chemical disruption is enough to push it over the edge. We didn’t notice this because that can be controlled by food, which is what I’ve been doing.” He counts on his fingers. “Second, when I have an attack, it’s enough to actually make me sick on the spot. My emotions are severe enough that they actually disrupt my whole body. And third, the attacks are actually brought on by pent-up emotions themselves, simply triggered by a traumatic memory.”

“Right.” Rick nods with decision. Maybe he was crazy, and maybe after this Misty would recommend he be taken to a loony bin, but as far as he was concerned, he was on the right path. “That’s what I think it’s all about.”

“So why aren’t I dead? If a normal person’s worry can cause ulcers, why hasn’t my emotional rampage caused all sorts of problems?”

“That I can’t answer. But my guess would be that your body somehow compensates for it. When you have an attack, it’s too quick and your body can’t handle it. But afterward, and on a normal basis, it’s able to heal itself from the chemical reactions going on, and…I guess that’s just part of this whole thing.”

Jason thinks for several long moments. He was confused, he was frustrated…this all was just a lot to process. He did feel one step closer though to understanding. Rick had put some pieces together, and it helped. “So if I can get my emotions under control and to a normal level, I’ll have this thing licked.”

Rick hesitates. “I don’t know if that’s possible, Jason.”

“It has to be.”

“You’ve got to stop thinking of yourself as a normal person,” Rick reminds. “This…thing… this… power… gift…. Whatever you call it, is inside of you, and it’s there not because you put it there yourself. It was something you were born with.”

“So you’re saying I can’t control it.”

“I’m saying I’m not sure.” Rick purses his lips. “Even though you let your emotions flow, you let them out now and again, and you’ve figured out how to control them quite well, these attacks….I think they’ll still come. Take the volcano illustration. There’s magma flowing all the time under the surface. It moves freely. Gas and steam is released through cracks in the earth’s surface, letting out pressure. For the most part, it’s under control. But eventually, that volcano gets to a point where that’s just not enough and…”

“Bang.”

“Yep.” Rick nods again.

“So there’s nothing I can do. No matter what, I’ll always fall eventually.”

Rick searches his young friend’s eyes. He wished a solution was as easy to find as the evidence. “I don’t know. You’re one big ball of emotion…I’m not convinced you can help that.”

“So how come Katie can calm me down?”

Rick shrugs. “If I had a chance to do an analysis on her like I just did you, it might make a little more sense. But as far as I can tell, that’s the unexplainable connection. She has a gift too, and apparently, that’s drawing out emotions. You use the emotions, they overtake you…she draws them out. It’s been proven she can’t survive without them. And it’s been proven that you can’t survive without her drawing them out. Your emotions are a poison that kills you and a medicine that keeps her alive. If you can’t get rid of it, it takes you down. If she gets none it takes her down – and give her an overdose, and it takes her for quite a ride as well.”

It was a paradox. A circumstance that could be dissected, studied and explained mathematically. But in the end, it still could not be fully understood. The way Jason’s and Katie’s minds were connected…how they could communicate…there was no way to explain that, and it couldn’t be put on paper. To some it might sound exciting…it was a scientific phenomenon. But to Jason…it wasn’t something he was excited about. “Why? Why, Rick? Why is this happening? Why me? Why Katie?”

“I don’t know, Jason…I don’t know.”

Jason looks down, ironically finding it hard to control his feelings right now. “I want to get rid of it.”

Rick lifts his eyebrows. “We’ve just concluded that it’s not that easy.”

“You mentioned meds once.”

Rick is hesitant. He didn’t like that idea. “I did mention it, but…”

“Look, I’ll try anything, Rick.” Jason sets his jaw with determination. “I’m tired of being a burden to other people. I’m tired of disrupting other people’s lives.”

“What about your own?” Rick’s question hits hard. “What are you willing to sacrifice?”

Jason’s desperation runs deep. “Anything if it will stop the pain.”

Rick takes a breath and lets it out slowly. “I’ve got some stuff you can try to balance your body’s chemicals. It’s…usually used for someone with a mental problem…someone with an imbalance. If your emotions make things out of balance, it might….numb the effects.” His eyes move to Misty again, question in his gaze. She knew as much as anyone now after all of this…what were her thoughts?