Lost love

After Sapphire leaves, Gage just sits for the longest time before finally sliding off the bed. He'd said yes, just because it was Sapphire, and he knew he'd been disappointing her the last few days. And she was being so nice... he still wasn't sure why she cared, especially enough to bring new things for him like this. He fingers the new sneakers. Why?

Sighing, he gathers up some of the new things and goes down the hall to the bathroom, his feet dragging just a little.

Twenty minutes later, he's coming back down toward the main floor, his eyes down. But he had his new clothes and shoes on and had cleaned up as suggested.

Avoiding contact with anybody else, he makes his way to Sapphire's cubicle. He knocks on the wall, shifting his weight awkwardly. Even if he were feeling well, he still felt funny with this odd new freedom he had. "I'm... ready to go."


Jeff doesn't hinder Rosetta from another hug, but rather returns the embrace again and kissing the top of her head to try and reassure her.

Giving her a grateful smile, he shakes his head a little. "Actually... just some apple juice would do, if we've got any. I... can't handle much else at the moment." He'd been nauseas ever since getting up that morning and it hadn't gone away even after he'd gotten sick on the short plane ride.

Glancing around the room, his eyes roam the emptiness before landing on his sister again. "Sometime I... I need to see Katie. I know it's not a good time for her but... I've always tried to be honest with her and I don't want to stop now."


The cafe was quiet, but business was picking up over the lunch hour. The back corner remained relatively private though.

Camryn smiles, studying Jason's face from across the table. "How have you been?"

Jason gives a slight chuckle and looks down, shrugging. "Good I guess. Can't complain."

"Still chasing bad guys, I assume."

"Yeah... you know it's in my blood. What about you?"

"Oh, I'm alright. I, um... had a rough bout there with my parents, but we've worked through our differences. Now I'm back here after hooking a job at the newspaper."

"Writer?"

"Go-fer."

Jason laughs. "And you came back for that?"

"No." Camryn grins and shakes her head. "That will pay my rent. I came back because I missed it here."

Interrupted by the waitress, their conversation is put on hold until Camryn strikes it up again. She glances down to see Jason's still-empty left hand. "So... you find that special someone yet to keep your happy?"

Jason's face reddens just a little. He knew the topic would come up, but it was still awkward. It had been so long. He really had loved Camryn. She'd made him laugh... she'd given him energy.... she'd been there for him at some pretty confusing times. He'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with her... to always have her energy and always have her enthusiasm right by his side. That's what he'd wanted then...
"I think so." He rolls his eyes at his response and grins. "Yeah... yeah I think I have. Just... been a little rough lately."

Camryn cocks her head. "Katie?" The look in Jason's eye gave her the answer, and she smiles again. "You know.... even when I thought I would be your wife, it was hard to think of you and Katie not together."

There was so much Jason didn't understand. So many questions. He finally lets himself look Camryn in the eye, searching for answers. Had he truly been in love with her? Had he truly wanted to spend the rest of his life with her? Had he truly wanted her to be the one? At the time... yes. But... he knew now that it had only been because he didn't think he could have the one he'd wanted in the first place. And even now, as he looked into Camryn's eyes... the eyes he had loved... he knew that they would always be second choice. Maybe things with Katie weren't great... but.....

Camryn reads his face, and gives a gentle nod. "I know..." She could still read him so well. "I was just thinking the other day about how sometimes we don't see beyond what we think we want... and how later, we can look back and wonder how we ever could have wanted it."

Jason knows what she means. And he couldn't have put it better. "I was foolish."

"So was I." Camryn sighs. "I guess that's kind of why I wanted to talk with you... so I could apologize."

"For leaving?"

"No. For letting you fall in love with me in the first place."

Jason sits back, not sure he understands.

Camryn continues. "Maybe it could have worked between us. I'm sure we could have made it work somehow. But... I think you and I both know now that it wasn't meant to be. I was desperate for love... I was desperate for attention, and you were the one I picked." She gives him a quirky grin. "But even though some good might have come from it, and even though you returned some feelings, I realize now that I was filling a void in my life with the wrong thing. I thought that falling in love and getting married would fix my life and make my problems go away. But I was wrong."

She pauses, the emotions coming out through her tone. "I loved you, Jase... I really did, and I would have followed you anywhere. But if I had... I would have missed out on a whole new chunk of life I experienced and grown from... and... knowing now that feelings have faded... I would hate to think that they would have faded after we'd made a lasting commitment. We wouldn't have been happy."

Jason takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. It was hard going over all of this, so suddenly, just when they first saw each other again. But maybe it was good. "I loved you too," he admits. "But I think you're right. Maybe we were too hasty. Maybe I was searching for the wrong things too."

"I think God wanted us to do some growing up," Camryn concludes. "I think He had two totally different plans for us. While I think He used our relationship for good, and He would have blessed a marriage, I think there's brighter horizons for both of us... they're just on two different ends of the world." She reaches out to pat Jason's arm, faint tears forming behind her eyes. "Sometimes making decisions based on the heart's emotion is okay... and sometimes it's simply hiding the truth underneath that there has to be more than a mutual attraction to make life work."

Jason purses his lips and finally nods. "Yeah... I guess I always wondered what would have been."

"We could spend the rest of our lives wondering 'what if,' Jase. But wouldn't it be nicer to think about what will be?"

Jason's eyes return to hers. "And what will be?"

Camryn's smile spreads slowly, the tears still glistening in her eyes. "What will be is a friendship between us that's healthy enough we can wave at each other as we pass on the street. Maybe we'll even socialize sometime. But you'll be with the one you really love... and I'll find mine one of these days... But he'll be someone who will add to my life... not fill the holes that I needed to let God fill."

Jason just sits for several long moments, letting silence reign as his thoughts wander. "You know... for the first time, I think I understand. God's been working in my life too... and every day I see how far I've come, and how much further I have yet to go. He's given me a lot of people to keep me in line... and I think you're one of them."

Camryn chuckles. "It sounds good to hear you talk about God in your life... it really does."

"I'll agree with that."

So much more could be rehashed. So much more could be talked through again to dissect every little aspect. But no more needed to be said. Both were at peace. Both had scars that would still remain in their hearts, but they had long-since healed over, allowing them to move on, as once again, love became a memory. The had laughed, they had loved... and now they had grown. With new eyes came new perspectives and new sight, revealing that sometimes plans that don't work the way one wants are actually blessings in disguise. It was good they had parted. And it was good that they could talk about it now without the pain.

"So." Camryn straightens up, taking on a perkier tone. "How's JetStream? I want to hear all about it, and I want to know all the gossip about everybody and how everything has been going."

Jason laughs, the awkwardness having melted away. "Everything?"

"Everything."