It didn't wait

Carson can't help a little smile, relieved that Misty had agreed to meet him. "No... I'll walk. Meet you at the park at... eleven?"

Finishing up the call, Carson hangs up, then gives a sigh. Well... that was that.

The rest of the morning seems to drag by. Though being a bit more efficient in his work and not so clumsy, every spare moment was spent glancing at the clock. Finally having enough, he tells Herb he'll be gone on a long lunch break and heads out, donning his denim jacket.

Walking to the park, a million and one things run through his mind, but the exercise helps to ease his tension a bit. Arriving and finding a park bench near the parking lot, he waits, and sure enough, Misty shows up on time.

Standing up, Carson his head as she nears, offering a small smile. "Hey." Letting his eyes linger on her face for a moment, a remnant of an old flame glimmers in his eyes. His hand moves forward, but then he thinks better of it, and puts it in his pocket instead. "Um... wanna walk?"

Starting forward, he takes a deep breath of the chilly air, looking around at the quiet park. Not many people were here today. "Misty..." He knew it was up to him to start the conversation. He was the one who had suggested their meeting today "I, um...guess I just had a few things I wanted to talk to you about." He shrugs. "I don't know why, I just... well... if we wanted to... I mean, us... or..."

Carson stops and rolls his eyes. "Okay, let me try this again." He gives a short laugh, throwing a sidelong glance in Misty's direction. “There’s a lot… about me that… I’ve never told anyone. And… I guess I want to be fair to you, Misty because I don’t know what any of this changes, if anything.”

He swallows hard, quiet for several moments, finally stopping at a bench and sitting down instead of continuing the walk. It had been so long…the memories had been too painful to dredge up. But they were still there…packed tightly away in boxes of misery.

“When I was just a kid, I…my dad was just a business man to me. I was too young to see anything but a dad who I wanted to be like.”

He stops and sighs deeply. “He, um…took me on some of his trips…to the big cities, or over here to the States. I thought it was fun…got to ride in style and stay at fancy hotels. Then, um…”

Carson pauses again as his mind tries to block the images that were seeping through. “Then it wasn’t just me, but he’d take a woman along with him. I was told my mother needn’t know. I was clueless, so I just obeyed.”

A dry laugh escapes, and Carson shakes his head. “I couldn’t have been more than ten years old…I don’t know if my dad knew all I saw and heard or not. At first it scared me, then I just got used to it…ignored it. I’m sure as a kid I sensed it wasn’t right, but it was my dad…he was perfect. So, that went on for years…whenever I’d go with my dad, I simply expected his “friend” to be along. I got used to seeing things I shouldn’t… being told things I shouldn't have heard... maybe some things would have been considered abuse, but I never told anyone about it.”

It was harder to stay on top of these emotions than he thought, and Carson battles back against the will to let them spill over. “Years passed…by the time I got into high school, I was…” His face reddens slightly. Though at the time he didn’t care, now he knew his faults. “…well…I guess I was taking after my father. I’m not sure anyone but my buddies knew what I was doing on the weekends…what girls I was with and...”

Another long sigh seeps out. He needn't explain what he meant. “I got caught by my dad once…I had a girl at home. But instead of kicking my butt like he should have, he let it go, making some comment that almost encouraged me to keep it up.”

Carson fidgets with a loose thread on his jeans. The memories were in full swing now. “About that same time my dad started getting generally abusive. He was a drinker…and he’d come home from work mad. He’d push mom around…he’d push me around…he’d push my older sister around, and then my little sister too. We all just took the punishment, but for some reason…I couldn’t stand him picking on Dani. I don’t know why…I’d gotten used to seeing my mom roughed up, or my older sister trashtalked. But Dani…maybe it was because she was so little, I don’t know. But every time she got a tongue lashing, she’d go crying to her room and I was the one to go see her, while Mum and Stacy were still arguing.”

Carson’s eyes lock onto nothingness, the scenes like a movie playing through his mind. It was as if he was in an entirely different world, sucked in by the memories…by a past that had been locked away and shoved into a dark corner.

“I was an expert at living two lives by then. Away from my family I was out drinking, hanging with the rowdy bunch, and getting my fill of any girls I could. While at home I was the devote son…Dani’s hero.”

A sorry chuckle proves the feeling of being so foolish. “Funny thing about the whole situation was, not only was I two different people, but half the time I loathed my dad for abusing my little sister, and half the time I still wanted to be like him. I guess I was looking for acceptance or something. I’d start getting Dani out of the house when I knew Dad would be home drunk. I could tell when he’d be out for more than just a tongue lashing, and I didn't want what happened to me to happen to her, so I’d sneak out the back with her so she wouldn’t have to endure anything else. She never complained…never said anything to anyone…I think she just blocked it all out…which was probably a good thing. I don't know how many times I wasn't there for her though.”

Carson feels like this was taking forever… it was like he was running in place while the memories were flying by him. He hadn't intended for this many details, but maybe they were needed.

“By the time I started working for the Agency, I was so messed up. I thought I was big stuff. And…sure enough, I continued to follow in my father’s footsteps, right down to the pretty secretaries that worked there. Oh, and they let me do whatever I wanted to do…they were luring me in…they had plans for me that I didn’t even know about. All the while, at home, I kept up the one side of being big hero brother…perfect son…ambitious young man.”

It’s several moments before Carson goes on, his eyes roaming the park. “Then everything went down at the Agency. My dad wasn’t a nice guy, but there were some illegal things he wouldn’t do, and he paid for it with his life. Him…Mum…and Stacy. I should have died with them that day…I was living an immoral life, and it was cowardice that saved my hide. All that was left after that was anger. I got Dani out of the country and…I don’t even know how I conformed to what the Agency wanted. I just…forgot about anything else I guess. I channeled my anger towards those I was supposed to torture and kill, and eventually that was simply who I was. Any trace of the innocent boy was gone. There was nothing left but a cold heart out to satisfy the desires of the flesh, and kill for a living.”

He shrugs lamely. “Some shrink would probably say I could blame my father for the way I turned out…but it was a choice…and I chose the wrong way. And now…now that I’m on the other side…it’s like I’m constantly playing tug-o-war with my old self. Every day it tries to pull me back in…everything I did…all my bad habits and…and addictions…they just hang on to me to the point where I finally just give in. And then…I lose everything. I figure out my mistake, pick myself back up and it starts again until finally I break under the pressure, tearing everything down all over again.”

He stops, the pain in his heart greater than he'd like to admit. "I've done a lot of changing, Misty. I got some good people who have been willing to keep me out of trouble, and it's helped. I'm... I'm finding God too I think, and that's taught me a lot."

Pausing again, he sorts out just what he's trying to say. "But even with all that... I don't know how long it will last. It's just a matter of time before I fail again."

The fear of his own self and his own decisions is evident in his tone. "No matter how hard I've ever tried, eventually, my pattern wins out and... I couldn't bear to put you through that again. Losing you was one of the most devastating things I've ever experienced. But I just... I'm afraid it will happen again."

Carson finally lets silence rule, not meeting Misty's eyes. Was he telling her it wasn't going to work between them? Was he telling her he couldn't do it? Was he telling her he did want to be with her, but with caution? He didn't know. But at this point he didn't have enough confidence in himself to think he could conquer his own pattern.


"Yo, Hero." Wyatt holds his phone to his ear as he steps out of TJY. "Yeah, just meet me at the jail. I'll wait for ya."

Flipping his phone shut, he gets to his jeep and heads downtown. Once there, he doesn't have to wait long until Katie arrives. Meeting her at the steps, he rolls his eyes. "What is it with us having to rescue this guy anyway? Cop said on the phone he tried to rob a convenient store or something, so I don't know what's up."

Getting inside, an officer can't give them any information, but directs them to the back, down the hall to one of the cells. There they find Ty, stretched out on a cot.

"Ty?"

Ty opens his eyes and turns his head, but doesn't rise. "Well... what do ya know... Wyatt and Katie. Hi, guys."

Wyatt quirks an eyebrow and looks at Katie, confused, then back to Ty. "What on earth are you doing here anyway? What happened?"

"Didn't you hear? Big robbery gone bad."

"Yes, of course I heard. Why do you think we're here?" Wyatt's annoyance rises. "What gives, Ty? What were you doing?"

Ty shrugs and closes his eyes again. "Guess this is where I belong."

"Ty! Come on!"

Ty shoots up, getting to his feet with a glare and stalking to the bars to face both his friends. "Alright, fine. I'm not good enough to be on the right side of the law. So I must belong here. At least in here they don't care if I can read or not."

Wyatt frowns, even more confused. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Oh, didn't you know? Austin fired me."

"What?! When?!"

"Last night. Or rather... he thought it would be a good idea if I "quit" so he wouldn't "have" to fire me." The anger is dripping from Ty's tone. "Caught me trying to read a stupid letter and that was it."

"So you just figured you'd what? Go rob a store? Are you insane?!"

Ty smirks then walks back to his cot, flopping down. "Just leave me alone."

Wyatt blinks, not even knowing what to do. "Well I'm bailing you out, so why don't you just sit here and think about a better response for when I get back?" Frowning, he aims for the front office again. "Katie, stay here, will you? I'll be back. In the meantime, see if you can make any sense from this guy."


Several heads snap up as the mechanics realize Jess is there. All eyes glance to the outside where the car is, following her gesture.

Axel straightens up from the van, a look of surprise on his face, before a bit of confusion.

"Oooh, busted!" Leo teases. "You been working on that car, or just making it look good? Maybe you ought to give it one more try. Third time's the charm, you know." Before he can react, a rag lands on his head, hanging down over half his face.

A laugh escapes from Ron as he works on another vehicle, having seen Axel's good aim. "Nice wardrobe, Leo."

Axel keeps himself from grinning too much, wiping his oily hands on his already-dirty jeans. "Guess I better go see what I missed this time."

"No, wait!" Leo jumps in his way. "Let me get this one. You can't have all the fun."

"Fun?"

Leo gives him a knowing look. "Ask and you shall receive. Chick in distress, remember? You said she wasn't your girl, so I can have a turn, right?"

"Well I'm the one accused of missing something yet again."

Leo just stares at him, his eyes full of mischief. "Five bucks says if I work on the car, she won't be back for at least a month."

Axel straightens and crosses his arms, contemplating. He looks over Leo to see Jess waiting, then back to his friend. "You're on."

"Hot dog!" Leo claps his hands. "I'm gonna win this one. Just you wait." Trotting over to Jess, he retrieves the keys and gets to work.

Axel leaves the van for now and ambles slowly to the other end of the garage, stopping about three feet from Jess and cocks his head. Pulling his pocket watch out, he gives a faint smile. "Your car can't tell time. It didn't wait until noon."