Hearing a car, Jason knows without looking that it is Katie. The more days that went by, the more in tune he became, and the more sensitive he was to her presence and feelings. What at one point bothered him so much, now came as a strange form of comfort that he wouldn't easily admit. For without Katie, not only did he suffer, but it was as if a piece of himself was gone.
Looking out at the lake, he just lets Katie come, and remains quiet. He understood the silent words, and listened to what she had to say. He had been too harsh. He never should have thought Katie would leave him high and dry, and he understood good and well what she was saying now.
A bit of guilt creeps up on him and he lets it out, not minding if Katie knew how he felt. He'd been so upset... he still was... but he shouldn't have taken it out on her like he had. She hadn't meant her words like he'd taken them, and it had been stupid of him to stay mad like he had.
A slight grin surfaces at Katie's ending statement.
I don't mind your babble. I rather like it.
Finally turning his head, he looks down at her, studying her eyes and the soft glow of her face.
When will I learn that you're the medicine I need, not the cause of my ailment?
He sighs deeply. Actual words just didn't want to come. He was almost better now at their own language than spoken English
I'm sorry too. I was being a jerk, and on top of it, I know I probably put you through heck last night.
Sliding off the tailgate to stand next to Katie, he remains close, but keeps his focus back out on the water, his hands in his own pockets for several quiet minutes. Yes... memories were here. A few private emotions he keeps to himself, recalling his and Katie's time here and the first real kiss they had shared. In a world of black, that had been his light before everything had fallen apart. And now everything had turned upside down and again so many times, it felt like those memories were a lifetime ago. Yet they were so fresh and vivid, that Katie was right - it felt like it was just yesterday.
"Everything is changing," he comments softly. "The big picture... our own little world... us. It's all changing."
He thinks of Austin. He thinks of TJY. He thinks of his mom. He thinks of the past. He thinks of prison. He thinks of the here and now. He thinks of his friends. Nothing was the same. Nothing would ever stay the same.
Without turning, Jason slides his hand out of his pocket and reaches over to find Katie's hand in her own. Drawing it out, he locks his fingers with hers, starting to let the emotions flow again. He lets them come slowly so the pain would not be so great, and like a poison being released, he can feel the tension begin to lessen as it serves to energize its destination. Remnants of anger... bits and pieces of confusion... and a hurt that went so deeply, it could never be fully removed.
He had trusted a man all his life, and was now feeling the sting of betrayal. He felt used... a fool.. and on some level, just a little bit worthless. He was angry at the circumstances. He was so hurt by his own grandfather. He was confused at what had happened, and what was to come.
A sudden shrill ring shatters the exchange of feelings, and Jason jerks to attention, his hand going for the phone on his belt. Today was not a day to miss calls, no matter what he was doing.
"Yeah, hello?" His eyebrows raise. "Yes? And? ...alright. No, nothing new. ...When? ...Okay. Yeah. ...Thanks."
Flipping the phone shut and clipping it back on his belt, Jason heaves another sigh. "That was Brown. A judge will be seeing Austin in a couple days about the incident with Scott. Decisions will be made then."
Finally turning to actually face Katie, he reaches out to run a finger down the side of her face, tucking a lock of wind-blown hair behind her ear. Though their moment had been broken, it didn't seem to matter much. A million and one thoughts raced through Jason's mind, and he didn't try to organize them, knowing now that Katie would sense and recognize them. Brown. Austin. Scott. Band practice tonight. Katie might want to call Wendy. His mom. Carson. Scott again.
Still looking into her eyes, Jason finally wraps his arms around her and pulls her close in a warm hold.
I don't know what I would do without you, Hero. Even if I could live without you... I don't think I would want to.
Withdrawing just a little, he has to bend and turn his head to reach closer, his lips gently finding hers.
He hurt so much right now, that all he longed for was the comfort she offered. He knew this was his most vulnerable position. When this close... touching... giving of himself... His emotions were no longer a choice - they would be revealed no matter what. And for a moment, he feels like a little boy again that just wants to find a corner and curl up to cry.
He leans into Katie more firmly, trying to feel her own comfort, while his hurt continued to be released. His arms locked around her, a tear finally surfaces to mingle in their kiss. Couldn't he just stay here and never let this moment end? Couldn't the world stop right now and leave them in peace?
Eventually, Jason gently retreats, though still holds Katie in a hug.
Thank you for not giving up on me.
Seeing the look in Jess' eye, Carson's heart feels as though it had just been stabbed. In the past, he'd treated relationship so flippantly... The emotions he felt now were new and confusing. He didn't know what to do with them. He didn't want Jess to be hurt, but he knew she was. He wanted to fix it, but he knew he couldn't. He wished he could have stopped her from having feelings for him, but no one could have predicted it. And now... now it was just a mess of hurt, and all because of him. He'd messed thing up...again.
Hearing Jess' words about Misty, something flashes in Carson's eyes. He drops his gaze and slowly withdraws his hand from hers to play with his glass again. He wasn't breaking things off with Jess because he was planning on going after Misty. On the contrary...it was better if he just didn't try anything again. With as many times as he'd messed up in the past... maybe it was high time he just did it alone without the chance of ruining even more.
"Some opportunities join the grains of sand as they're blown across the ocean," he comments quietly. He wanted to tell Jess that this had absolutely nothing to do with Misty, but even though he wasn't planning to go back to her right now, that just wasn't the truth. It was becaues of Misty. It was because Carson knew what it truly felt like to have feelings for someone... deep feelings... and they just weren't there with Jess.
Finally looking back up, he takes a deep breath, bravely looking at her eyes again. "Thank you, Jess... I know that.." He wanted to say that he knew she was hurt, but what good would that do? She was trying not to let it show, and maybe it was best if he simply respected that. This was something he couldn't fix.
"Can I make you a strawberry milkshake for desert before you leave?"
As Wendy accepts, a wave of emotions hits Clint. He was so happy that she said yes, and so very scared at the same time. As she reaches out to hug him, he stands, pulling her up with him, and holding her tightly, his face buried against her hair. Her words sting. He knew he'd hurt her by leaving.
"I missed you too," he replies quietly.
Drawing away, he takes a moment to look her in the eye. Seeing a tear on her cheek, he once again feels the guilt for everything that had happened. But a smile is forced to the surface anyway, and he reaches out with his thumb to wipe the tear away.
Looking down, he takes her hand in one, and with the other, he removes the ring from the box, slowly sliding it onto Wendy's finger. Gazing back into her eyes, he leans down to place a tender kiss on her lips.
Withdrawing to see her eyes again, his voice is still hushed. "I love you, Wendy." And behind the words is a reassuring tone... one that says, we'll be okay. One that says, I'm scared too, but we'll make it.
All of a sudden, a whoop shatters the silence, and reality is back. Clint jumps and looks to Jeff who is now standing, with his arms in the air. Jeff's enthusiasm is immediately contagious as a round of applause breaks out, along with a shrill whistle from Mick.
Clint's face reddens, but he can't help but laugh, keeping an arm slung around Wendy's shoulders. His eyes roam the room and land on his father.
Jim meets his gaze, and offers an approving nod.
And that's all Clint needs, to know that he had done the right thing.
11/25/08
Medicine
at 3:17 PM
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