Letters

Ryder hated making Thirteen disappointed and though he could tell she tried to contain it, he still spotted it on her face. The inner battle grew stronger. Reese must be preoccupied, not to have noticed Thirteen's absence, but Ryder knew a rebuke would be coming his way. How much worse would it be if he gave in one step further?

But the innocent, sweet look in Thirteen's eyes push him over the edge.

Sighing, Ryder turns and locks the door. Wandering to the living room, he points at Trooper. "Watch the house."

Trooper trots to a spot where he could keep an eye on the front door, living room, hallway and kitchen. Turning once, he flops down with a yawn, but keeps his head up, seeming to know his duty.

Ryder makes sure the big dog stays put, then aims for the corner of the living room for the overstuffed chair. Grabbing a blanket, he kicks off his shoes, then eases into the chair, pulling the handle so he can have a footrest.

Getting comfortable, he shuts his eyes, then cracks one open to look at Thirteen. "Don't snore," he mumbles teasingly. Settling his head back, he closes his eyes, making it quite obvious that he'd decided to stay in the house.


Leo gives Miles a scoff. "Yeah, don't worry. Ryan's tastes are in tact. Getting a date with her is like trying to rob Fort Knox. She just felt sorry for me so she let me tag along." He holds up his hand to show off his bandage.

Miles' eyes widen a little. "What happened?"

"Just a little trouble at the shop. Tell you tomorrow."

"Sounds like you've got a whole lot more to tell," Mike muses. "What's this about women's clothing?"

Leo shrugs. "Guess it had to come out sooner or later." He shakes his head, faking humility. "The secret has been revealed. I have a thing for gold shorts and tiny tops."

"Oh, stop." Miles whacks him over the head, knowing good and well that Leo was kidding. He gave up trying to figure out how the bizarre topic had come up. He hollers after Ryan as she heads away. "Yeah! Ron is here somewhere."


Scott lets his head sink into his pillow, but he doesn't close his eyes right away. He hurt all over. But each night it got just a little better. He understood the tactics and he was trying to learn, but it was hard not to let the words get to him, let alone the brute force. Every strike he received, a flashback tried to surface. But he tried not to let it bother him.

Domino crawls up beside him on the bed and softly licks around the bruise on his face. He knew she was trying to help, but he pushes her back gently, then scratches her head. "Not now," he mumbles. It was still too tender.


Gunner paces the living room, still fully dressed with his handgun holstered. His eyes kept falling to the stack of letters on the corner of Scott's desk. He knew who they were for and he knew that Scott wasn't allowed to send them. It made him mad though. He knew good and well that Scott wouldn't have divulged anything to Hope. But no one would trust the man.

Gunner glances at his watch before making up his mind. Grabbing the stack of letters, he puts a rubberband around them, then goes for his keys. Hesitating at the door, he knows he's not even supposed to leave Scott alone. But he also knew Scott wouldn't go anywhere - he might not even have time to realize he's alone.

It doesnt' take Gunner but a few minutes to be driving down the road in his red pickup. He checked the address on the envelopes to make sure he was headed in the right direction, and confirmed that he was. Grumbles were muttered under his breath for this whole thing. It was silly, law or not. He could get in a lot of trouble for this, but he didn't care.

Finally finding the right house, he shuts off the headlights and pulls up to the curb, leaving the motor running. Sliding out of the truck, he takes a glance around before jogging up to the porch. It would be a federal offense to use the mailbox, so instead, he drops the letters in between the doors. Sprinting back to his truck, within seconds he's out of sight. Mission accomplished. One more to go. But that one he didn't know how long it would take. That would depend on Scott, and so far things were moving slowly.


Letter #1

Hope,

I wanted to take a minute to thank you. Not just for everything you've done for me all along - thanking you for that would take a lifetime. More specifically for helping me just the other day. I was scared and ready to quit... but you believed in me. I've known all along that my family and friends would back me and that they were all pulling for me. But I'm not sure it really sank in until you looked me in the eye and I saw it... I saw that it was true.

I know I've still got a ways to go. My nightmares are sticking around and I froze up on the field during the rescue mission. But without you, I wouldn't have been there at all. So for what it's worth... thank you. You've been my hope through it all.

-Scott



Letter #2

Hope,

It's only been a few days, but I think this classifies as loneliness. Quiet time like this leaves a man too much time to think, and my mind is wandering circles. My dreams have been taking odd twists and turns as if my mind is trying to remember what really happened back at the Agency, so I can finally be released. But so far it's still a blank. All I can rely on is Carson's investigation, though I know he's not even at TJY full-time.

Gunner and Domino have been keeping me company, though I wish I could at least go for a walk in the park. My boredom is actually overcoming my fear at this point. Maybe that's a good thing. Domino has tried to cure me with multiple games of fetch with her rubber ball, but with only one good arm at the moment, she's wearing me out.

I hope you're well. Maybe I'll see you soon.

-Scott



Letter #3

Hope,

It's storming out. We lost power, so I'm writing by candlelight. Gunner says I'm crazy, but I didn't have much else to do. Domino runs under the table every time it thunders. For once, the storm isn't bothering me. I finally realized the thunder is nothing compared to gunfire. I think I'm actually going to be able to enjoy it again.

I had a checkup today. I guess my arm is healing slowly, but it's healing nonetheless. Still pretty sore. I got to visit Katie while I was at the hospital. Hurts to see her like that. Gunner says he'll at least escort me to visits though. He's a good guy.

Just don't know what's going to happen in my future. I can't stay in my house forever. Will they let me back to the Elite? Will they simply let me go? Will I have to spend time behind bars? I just don't know. But I suppose whatever decision they make will be the right one.

-Scott



Letter #4

Hope,

I got out my camera today. Not many things to shoot around my house. Domino's a ham though so once again I have a roll filled up of just her.

It's felt good to dive into my hobby again, even if I couldn't go anywhere. I guess it's still therapy to me.

No nightmares last night. It was a relief. Maybe they're finally over.

I smell something burning. I better check on Gunner in the kitchen. Not so sure he's the best chef, even though he prides himself on his hamburgers.

-Scott



Letter #5

Hope,

Trying to forget is never easy, is it? I know, you would tell me that I shouldn't forget... that I need to work through the memories instead. Hard sometimes though. Guess it's just been a rough day, mentally. I'm tired for no reason, and my mind has had too much time to think about things that I don't want to think about.

Gunner said Carson has been at TJY in the evenings. Guess that means he's still working. I'm beginning to think he's not going to find anything though. I'd rather have my future decided without it, just so I wouldn't have to be in limbo any more. Guess house arrest isn't supposed to be fun though.

-Scott



Letter #6

Hope,

Having ups and downs. Maybe I'm depressed. I want to go to work. I want something to do instead of just sitting around with Agency scenes lurking in the corners. They always seem to take me by surprise. But maybe I'm really not fit to work with the Elite any more. Maybe with as many problems as I have, I really shouldn't be there any more. Dalton can surely handle the workload. I know everyone says they want me back and all... and I think I can restore my abilities... but I wonder if it's really in the cards.

I wonder how you're doing as well. I'm sure you've had plenty to keep you busy.

-Scott



Letter #7

Hope,

I looked in the mirror today and saw ten years had passed within just a few months. It doesn't seem possible, but I see myself and I see the time that has taken its toll on me. A few months ago, I was thought to be dead. A few months before that, life was normal. All in less than a year, I've become a different man with a whole lifetime behind tired eyes.

I saw an old friend while visiting the hospital today. They didn't recognize me. I smiled politely and moved on. Have I changed that much? I see myself and realize the truth. Yes, I have. And to what benefit? Is there a benefit to aging so quickly? I once wondered how someone could grow older faster than time itself. I didn't expect to learn through experience.

-Scott



Letter #8

Hope,

I found a bunch of old pictures today in some boxes of things that were returned to me. I was glad to get some of my family pictures back. After my house was cleaned out, I thought I had lost everything. I saw myself as a kid. I was such a nerd. Maybe I still am! I was so stuck in that box... in that mindset. I never realized that I was only conforming to others' perceptions of me. I thought it's what I was supposed to be. Then someone showed me how to be myself again. Katie was more than a friend... she really changed the way I thought of myself. Maybe it was my eagerness to be the way she liked. Regardless, I realized I'd been stuck in a box someone else had made for me and I wanted out. It felt good to get out... even when I got into trouble for it. Then everything was destroyed. Something inside me was crushed. I didn't have the younger me to cling to, and the newer me wasn't their either. I was just... empty.

Then you came along. I wouldn't have made it without you - of that, I'm certain. And somewhere along the way, I realized that I couldn't change back to any of my old selves. The younger one wasn't real. The me that Katie brought out had been shattered. I had to find a new strength to build upon. I started and got beat down again.

I'm afraid to start again. I'm afraid that once more I might simply be torn to pieces, leaving me void of myself all over again. I feel something deep down, as if wanting to get out. I feel myself wanting something more from me. I just don't know if I can.

-Scott



Letter #9

Hope,

Have you ever seen a one-armed man trying to fix a roof? If you haven't, I should have called someone to film Gunner and me today. Why he wasn't the one with the hammer, I don't know. I should have been the one on the ladder, but for some reason, I was the one on the roof.

After falling off once (I'm okay), bashing my thumb with the hammer (it's got some nice colors at the moment), and dropping the hammer multiple times (it only hit Gunner on the head once), the hole did indeed get patched. Mind you, Domino stood nearby and laughed the whole time. I'm pretty sure she was laughing anyway, by the grin she was wearing later.

I hope your day was less eventful than this. And if not, be sure to take care of your black and blue thumb.

-Scott



Letter #10

Hope,

A tv documentary on mountains made me want to go drive out to the foothills. Then I remembered that I didn't have a car. Not to mention, even if I did, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere anyway.

Days are routine now. I'm getting too used to sleeping late though. If ever I can work again, I'm gonna have a tough time dragging myself out of bed in the mornings.

The mirror was still there today... still reminding me of change... still reminding me that my eyes look ten years older now. Well... one of my eyes anyway. The other one doesn't show anything at all. Interesting color though. Not too many people can say they have an eye that looks like mine. ...ya know, that's the first time I've been able to joke about that. Maybe there's hope for me yet.

-Scott



Letter #11

Hope,

No word from Carson. Gunner questioned Reese, and I'm still in limbo. Now they're trying to decide what will happen if Carson really can't find anything. I decided that if the worst happens, I'll go to jail for a while. Lose a few years. But then once I'm out, maybe I'll find some computer work somewhere. I might do well somewhere other than TJY, ya know?

Anyway... this is my eleventh letter that has yet to be sent. When they said no communication, they meant it. I can't even get Gunner to go to the Post Office for me.

-Scott



Letter #12

Hope,

It's been another quiet day and I am growing tired. I see a few of my friends sometimes when I go to see Katie. But I can never stay. I can never chat. I want to invite you to lunch or see if you want to hang out at the park with Domino and me. But I can't. I don't even know if your in town.

My depression has lifted. I'm seeing things a little differently now. Perhaps being stuck alone has forced me to be introspective when I didn't want to be. Perhaps it has forced me to look to God for direction because there has been no one else around. If ever I felt ready to stand up again, it's now. A brave statement for someone who has not had to face work since Katie's rescue. But I believe it's true. I'm not sure when or how this change happened. Maybe it's the dream-filled sleep last night that led me on a journey through the past and present. Maybe looking in the mirror today, I saw something different... a beginning instead of an end.

You taught me how to believe. I miss you.

-Scott



Letter #13

Hope,

Gunner told me that Carson may have found something. He admitted that Carson's been hacking into Agency files - ones that I apparently gave him a lead to during my interrogation. But I know no results yet, or if it is good or bad.

If it is bad, will I still see you again? I gained so much more than a friend in you, I wouldn't know what to do without the hope of seeing you again.

-Scott